Thank you all so very much for all of your support and suggestions in your comments to my last post. One of the things I have learned more recently in my life is that if you need help it is best to just ask for it, and I’m glad I did. Your comments gave me new ideas for activities to look into as well as motivated me to reconsider some things that I thought I could not do. And yesterday afternoon I took Sam to the neighborhood where I would think lots of moms go with their kids to walk around. Saw no moms (big shocker) but did go into every place and pick up those little free magazines for parents that list events and stuff. Of my stack one of them was very helpful and listed some promising things to look into. Between your comments and this paper I think I am on the right track. I’ll try to give as brief an update as I can here to let everyone know what is going on.

La Leche League – You know, I didn’t do these meetings after first having Sam because he was so amazingly, ridiculously fussy/cranky/colicky/cranky/did I mention fussy? I couldn’t really go to mommy groups those first 6 months because he made it a fairly miserable experience. He is a very light sleeper (still is) and was easily overstimulated. So by the time 6 months rolled around I kind of felt like those meetings might really be for moms new to breastfeeding. Don’t know why I thought that, but clearly from your comments I was wrong. So I am looking into a group that is listed in the paper that meets pretty close to me, even though they don’t have it on their website. If I don’t hear back from the woman I called I will try and work out going to the meeting a little further away. Problem is, it meets at 10:00.

It seems that 80% of gatherings take place at 10:00 or 11:00. Sam has his big nap of the day from about 10:00-12:00. I know, it’s weird. But that’s what he does instead of an afternoon nap. So because most kids his age nap in the afternoons very few activities take place then and are held in the morning instead. This nap issue will become a theme in this post I have a feeling, because it really is putting a cramp in my Let’s Meet Friends Plan.

The Little Gym – I had only heard of Gymboree classes before (which is very far from us) and did not know that these Little Gyms were in this area. Turns out there is one fairly close by and we will be going to a free trial class next week. It’s pretty expensive, but at this point I don’t think I care anymore.

Food Shares – I actually looked into this last week and learned that these groups were full way back in March. It didn’t occur to me to do that before moving out here. So instead we’ll be hitting the Farmers Markets nearby (first one is this afternoon) and checking out the groups that way so that we can get on a waitlist for next year.

MOPS Clubs and MOMS Clubs – I had never really looked into any type of “Mom’s Clubs” before. I had assumed that Moms of Preschoolers actually meant preschool aged kids, like kids in pre-school, but when I looked into it I discovered it was from infancy, but then I learned there isn’t a group anywhere near us. This suggestion did, however, motivate me to look into the clubs listed in this paper I got and one of them sounds promising, the MOMS Club, which is also an international group. There is one that meets right in may area. Waiting for a response to my email. Are these clubs good things? I guess the word “club” has negative connotations for me, but the website did not mention a hazing, so I hope to attend a meeting and an activity of this group soon to see if it’s my thing. It sounds really cool and welcoming.

Libraries and Book Store Storytimes and book groups – I have confirmed that none of the surrounding libraries are doing any type of story time this summer. Some of the bigger bookstores that are a little further away I think have some, but they are listing them for slightly older kids. In fact, a lot of what I find is for 3 years and up and I think that may be some of the challenge here. Sam is very young and can’t do much, but I am also not considered a “new mom” so we are sort of in between groups right now. I wish that the libraries didn’t drop their programs for younger kids just because the older ones have summer reading. I have found 3 potential book groups to do myself in the evenings. 2 meet in 2 weeks and I am intending to go to both to check them out. (CMommy, I’m about half way through the book and it’s pretty clever – I’ll let you know.)

Church – I have found a great sounding church that I want us to visit. Finding a church that’s right is always hard work, as I am sure many of you know who have looked at new churches. In addition to the regular difficulties in finding a good match, we also have the Sam sleep dilemma. Service times are always in the morning during his nap hours. And so we still have yet to make it to this place I found because he is always, ALWAYS mid-nap when we would need to go. Isn’t that always the way? They know you want to do something and it’s like they go out of their way to stop you. No, that’s not really true. But it is true that doing anything during the 10:00 to 12:00 window is going to be very difficult. I may go to this place by myself to check it out.

Starting my own play group – I really like this idea and was considering it before moving here. I havn’t decided if I want to try and start one within this apartment community or one for the area in general. And this may be my way of procrastinating because it’s a little scary to see myself trying this out. Any of you that have had success doing this please let me know your tips. If I was going to start one just in the area I suppose I’d post something at the grocery store and the library and plan to meet at a nearby park at a certain time. Are there really play groups for kids this young?

One Fit Mama – This is an awesome thing I found in the paper I picked up. The group of mamas meets with their babies for a fitness class and there is a meeting place close to us. They spend a lot of the time pushing the kids in the stroller around the park, stopping periodically for strength training using the kids as their resistance. They even have a class at 5:00 once a week in that park I showed pictures of in a recent post. So excited.

Other highlights – I’m waiting for my zoo membership card to come in the mail. We have a Makin’ Music, Rockin Rythms class starting next week. It is at 9:45am, which is totally going to cause problems with the Sam nap but I was desperate when I signed up and they only had morning classes (again with the morning meetings). I know there’s more…

Basically I have a left a lot of messages and am waiting to hear back on several things. But there is a lot that is promising. Thank you all again for your comments. They made me feel so much better and I feel like I have a lot of possibilities now. As my Mom and Hubby so very kindly pointed out, “I think you are upset about this because you are getting your period soon…” Well, they are both right. Let’s here it for the people that really know us. So while that does not make my feelings invalid, it certainly can make things feel exponentially worse and slightly more hopeless. I suppose that’s why it felt like it was really bad very suddenly. Thank you all again for coming to my pity party giving me the help I needed.

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I’m at a loss. We’ve been in Philadelphia about 3 weeks now, including the week of no furniture. I’ve been working pretty hard to find activities to do with Sam, and it’s not working out the way I thought it would. Before moving here I envisioned finding play groups at recreation centers, talking to people at story times at various bookstores, and meeting other mommies at the park in our complex and at the pool. But instead, I am being thwarted. Seriously.

I’ve been working for weeks on this and just nothing is working out. The rec centers are literally not at the address that is listed and no one answers the phone, no bookstore within 30 minutes of us hosts a story time and the libraries are taking a break for summer reading, and the parks! The parks are devoid of mommies. Forget about the one in our complex; it’s lead poisoning/swing-crash-down-if-any-weight-is-put-on-it waiting to happen. I can see why it’s totally empty all the time. The pool is beautiful but totally freezing and therefore, also empty. Not to mention the fact that my visions of other moms walking around with their strollers in our little gated community disintegrated when I realized that 80% of the residents here are above the age of 70. And so we drive to other parks, beautiful parks…where we are the only living souls in sight. Are there no young mommies left in this city?

I sort of feel like the Last Unicorn, which was my all time favorite childhood movie. In the beginning the unicorn asks herself why she has not seen any other unicorns for so long, and so she goes on a quest to find them, learning along the way that the Red Bull rounded them all up and drove them into the ocean where they stay for the greedy and pathetic King Haggard to watch them. Anyway…where is this ocean? I just don’t know where the mommies are. Every day Sam and I set forth on our quest (cue music a la America here) to find other mommies and babies and come up with nada. I feel like they are all hiding somewhere around here whispering about me and laughing as I walk right by, oblivious and perplexed. And here my own self-conciousness comes into play.

It’s scary to make new friends. It was difficult in school where everyone else was looking for friends. As an adult it is much harder because so many people are already set: they’ve got their playdates, their mommy groups, the pals who were pregnant at the same time they were. They’re booked and not interested in meeting the new kid. I don’t know – is that true? Or is it just my new kid syndrome coming back to haunt me? It doesn’t even matter because I can’t find anyone to shun me anyway. How does one find potential friends? I did it when first moved to Chicago, but I was going to work. Now I do my work at home and with Sam; I’m a SAHM with Sam, hardy har.

And the problem is two-fold. Yes, I have no friends and that makes me very sad and discouraged. But Sam and I are bored to tears! I am not nearly as creative in the fun and leisure activities as I’d expected. What do you do with a 13 month old all day? And bear in mind we are broke, and often do not have the car at our disposal.

I’m just at a loss here. And I joke and draw stretched analogies between myself and a fantastical creature, but I really am sad. And lonely. I miss at least having the option of seeing a friend occasionally, or even talking to a stranger at the playground wondering if we’ll run into each other again. What do mommies do? And where do they go? If you were a Philadelphia mommy, where would you be hiding? Would you be happy to meet a new kid, or is your dance card full?

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Now that THE BIG MOVE is done and we are mostly settled I get to finally participate in Rachelle’s “My Life Monday.” This week’s topic: a favorite childhood toy…

When I was young I used to love playing with my imaginary friends. I know this is true for almost any child at some point, but it was a bit extreme for me and it lasted beyond what I think most would consider “normal.” In addition to having my imaginary friends, I also pretended to be characters other than myself. Again, so do many children, but I guess for me it became persistent enough that I tried to convince people whom I’d just met that I was the other character; my parents promptly took me to a psychologist when I convinced my babysitter that my name was Dorothy.

I pretended to be several of my favorite heroines from books, movies, and cartoons. Dorothy was a big one – she had a dog, which I liked. Often I was seen running around our yard with my palm to my forehead as I communicated with the woodland creatures; I was Sheena, Queen of the Jungle after all. I actually saw part of that movie on TV recently and realized that it is practically porn, by the way. I can’t believe I was allowed to watch it. My parents must have been unaware. Anyway, I also pretended to be Kira, the female Gelfling from the Dark Crystal quite often. This was the best way to have a working romantic relationship with Peter Pan,which was clearly acceptable because they both had pointy ears, without having the difficult size discrepancies that he must have had with Tinkerbell – she was just doomed to long for him forever. Tinkerbell and I did have something in common though in that we hated Wendy for trying to take beloved Peter from us. But I digress.

I loved loved loved to pretend I was Wonderwoman. She was so amazingly awesome. For me, Wonderwoman was my first introduction to superpowers and the fact that she was a woman was just so cool to me. And she was an awesome superhero: powerful, confident, quick, and GORGEOUS. I loved her and therefore wanted to be her, and so, one of my favorite things in the entire world was my Wonderwoman Underoos. For most of my young childhood I could be found in my back yard wearing the equivalent of a swimsuit, swinging around a yellow piece of yarn (my AWESOME lasso.) It was very frustrating to me to not actually be able to lasso anything with my…string unless I set up the scenario very strategically. Actually, I guess I can’t remember that it ever worked, but I was not discouraged, I was Wonderwoman.

I’d like to say this was a fun phase that soon passed with nothing more than the minor concern of my parents, but this whole pretending-to-be-someone-else thing lasted a while. And yeah, I know I look too old to be wearing my Underoos to my tennis lesson there, and it probably was very inappropriate, but that’s not what I mean.

I rediscovered my love of acting when I was cast as Queen Aggravain in “Once Upon a Mattress” in 10th grade. I’ve loved it ever since. In college I majored in Theater and Education, spending more time in rehearsals than I did studying. And in Chicago I even made it my career for a little while until I learned that adding the business element really took out the fun. And that’s what acting has always been for me: pure fun. As a child I acted like other people because it allowed me to live in another world. I could be whoever I wanted to be, wherever I wanted to be. As an adult I loved it for the same reasons. I could be stronger than I was, funnier, smarter, prettier (at least it felt that way). I could even do things that in my own life I would not allow myself to do and not be accountable for these actions, which sometimes seemed more real than pretend. And the imaginary friends I created for myself as a child became the people watching me and the people acting with me. Peter thought I was funny, and so did the person on stage or in the studio with me, and that was a feeling I had not been able to experience as a child – being able to be these characters and interact with real people in front of real people, that was new. The best friends I have ever had are those whom I have acted with: my high school friends were fellow “Theater Nerds,” my best friend in College was my servant in “Taming of the Shrew,” most of my friends in Chicago and I started a theater company for a short while, and Hubby was my brother in “Arcadia.” (eeek!)

When you really love acting, there is no other feeling in the world than really connecting with the character you are playing and being in the moment with the other person on the stage. Everything else falls away and you are just there with them, for real, perhaps aware of the energy of the audience as well, which only feeds into the hilarity/tension/fear/love/whatever it is at the time. It feels wonderful, powerful, just like Wonderwoman.

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Winner Katie’s Little Potato…

Congratulations to Katie for correctly guessing last week’s 80’s tune. Really I am congratulating her on being speedy, because as I mentioned I was feeling pretty generous – Bryan Adams? Summer of ’69? Yeah, pretty generous. But Katie had this nailed within an hour of posting. Way to stay on top of it!

So now we move on to something only slightly more difficult. I know it is hard to guess these with no music, so I am trying to be fair. I am going to experiment with a new way of posting The Challenge next week. It will have real music, real video, and real live baby, so get ready to be wowed; Sam is preparing to DANCE. Until then, please accept my apologies and go here to be thoroughly entertained by one of my favorite lip syncing videos.

Below are the lyrics to a popular 80’s song. Without using the internet as a resource, guess the song and artist and name them in your comment. First to do so correctly wins. I will post the winner next Sunday, link to their site, and attempt to show their profile picture. In the meantime I will respond in the comments at some point to let you know we have a winner. Enjoy!

I feel fine and I feel good
I’m feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don’t know what to say
Why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday.

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Sam is now 13 months old. He does not walk; he does not talk. I am trying to be calm about this and not obsess over milestones and so forth. I have always tried to avoid fixating on his achievements in comparison with other babies and to ignore various books and emails sent to me detailing everything he “should” be doing. There is little cause for concern with the walking because if I could crawl as fast as this kid I would see very little reason to find another way as well. I have to admit though, I wish we were getting a few words out of him. He babbles all the time, but there is little indication that when he says “mama” that he is actually referring to me. I feel like I’ve been reading his mind for a little too long now and I am ready to be able to stop guessing what he wants. Those first words would also alleviate some of the fear I have relating to some autism in our family (yes, I know there is no proof that it is genetic, but how could that not enter my mind?). I’m ready for him to talk to me, to say “mama” and mean it, and to show me he can do these things.

We’re doing ok though. He is certainly developing other ways of communicating what he wants a little more directly, often accompanied with hysterical screaming and flapping of arms if my response is not immediate. And physically, despite the fact that he does not walk, he is doing some stuff that I find pretty impressive.

Here, he is about to feed me a piece of his cheese. Much to my “surprise” though, he will put it almost into my mouth and then pull it away to eat himself, both of us hysterically laughing as I tell him what a stinker he is. You can see his mischievous anticipation of his little joke, which is not nearly as funny when played on him.

Here is the face he now makes to let us know he wants to eat. I don’t know, he’s just so subtle. How could I possibly tell what he means?

I have just brought out the YoBaby, so we get the open-mouthed, lean forward in the seat action. He was extremely unhappy that I chose to take the picture rather than promptly feed him. I suppose that is understandable.

Please note the lovely proper grasp of the spoon…before noting that he is actually eating with his other hand. And this is just a moment before both the spoon and the bowl end up on the floor.

Sam at work. He likes to lift objects onto things: shelves, chairs, the ottoman, the couch, and in this case, the dishwasher. One of his favorite times of day is when I put away the dishes. He challenges himself by trying to place two objects at once so that he can’t use his hands to get up, or to lift very large objects onto very high areas. This backfires when he doesn’t quite make it and the much bigger fire engine falls back in his face.

This: I just liked it.

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Today was a good day. That’s right, I’m not here to complain today (except for about Blogger - What is up?!), and that feels pretty great. Sam had his first hair cut and no one cried, including Mommy. Back in April I wrote about my aversion to having this done in Cherub Do, one of my first posts. I just went back and read it and realized I had predicted I would cry. I also believed I would have to give in before his first birthday. Clearly I surpassed even my own expectations. But with his hair perpetually in his eyes this last week and that constantly sweaty head, I accepted that I needed to do this for the sake of his comfort, which is very different than having it done as a result of everyone talking about what a beautiful daughter I have. That never really bothered me; I think he’s beautiful too. And the good news is: he still is.

The woman cutting his hair did exactly what I asked, so we still have his little curls. And now they are less tangley so they appear to be even curlier. I don’t think we’ll be avoiding any of the pretty little girl comments from strangers anytime soon, but I am pleased to have not left there sobbing with Sam and his new crew cut. Best of all, he got to sit in a big red car and play with the steering wheel while watching a Baby Einstein video (that’s why he appears so mesmerized in some of the pics). Here are some highlights from the excursion.

This is the before picture, just as we were heading out.

First snip!

Not so sure about this…

Getting shorter…and eating treats.

Hey, where’s my hair?!

You can read on to the next post to find out about the rest of our afternoon. I had to split the posts up since I guess Blogger only lets you use 5 pictures for each post. I couldn’t choose between these that easily so I’m double posting today.

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After Sam’s haircut we went to a place that is literally a one minute drive away. I find it amazing that we live in the boundaries of a city and are surrounded with what you see here. It’s such a strange mix of urban, suburban, and rural so near each other. On the road to our apartment community there is an actual field with actual horses and actual cows. We drove by and smelled the cow smell just minutes from our place. It has been so long since I’ve breathed cow and trees and grass. It’s nice. I’m not saying I’m settled - far from it. But on a day like today I remember why we decided to leave Chicago on this new adventure.

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