If the check out woman at the grocery store decides to give your toddler a sticker on your way out, and you debate as you walk to the car whether or not to allow said toddler to hold the sticker for the drive home, do not. Even if said toddler has not put anything in his mouth other than food for months, do not. Even if said toddler is only presently interested in sticking his fingers on and off of the sticker and the thought of trying to eat it has not entered his mind, do not. Even if you have only a five minute drive home and you are certain (almost certain) that the thought will not cross his mind before you get there, do not. Even if you know that taking said sticker away from said toddler will result in a huge scream fest in the parking lot and all the way home, do not; do not let said toddler hold the sticker for the ride home.

If you do, you may find out any combination of the following:

Letting said toddler hold the sticker on the way home will result in gagging sounds coming from the back seat 1 minute from home, causing you to do a lightning speed pullover off the side of the road as you envision yourself trying to get the buckle of the safety seat undone while your child chokes to death.

Scrambled eggs and raisin toast for breakfast make for particularly putrid smelling vomit.

There is no easy way to clean puke out of a car seat strap and the INSIDE of the buckle.

That the people you walk by on your way into the house will not give you a sympathetic look for holding a shirtless child in 65 degree weather, despite the smell emanating from you both.

Even after you have cleaned everything and started your additional load of laundry the smell will remain…somewhere.

You have no idea how to remove your carseat cover for cleaning because, as it turns out, you have not cleaned it since you bought it like 10 months ago, and frankly, you don’t have time to figure it out right now. There will probably be an edit later adding an additional lesson about what happens when you leave a pukey car seat cover in a closed car all day.

That Mommy Fear can rear its ugly head at any time. This time it was a sticker, and that time it was a zipper.

Labels: Mommyhood, Tales

Sam and I thought we could use some more company around the house. It’s been raining all week, we are freakin’ bored, and with his work schedule Hubby has only been getting to see Sam awake for about 20 minutes before his bedtime each day. Not sure what we’re going to do about this yet…

But until then, let me introduce…

EBONY AND IVORY

I really felt like I needed more to take care of. You know, a toddler and 2 cats - it just wasn’t enough. But Sam likes to wave at them and look at them during his meals and since I now do all meals by myself I’m willing to do quite a bit to make them a little easier.

Labels: Pictures, Toddler

The end of summer has been looming around to say the least. Just as a child dreads the start of school, I have been in denial about these last weeks of August as they quickly approached. I’ve been spoiled, you see. For the past 4 weeks, ever since Hubby took the Bar Exam, I have had him all to myself, and with Sam, of course. There’s been no studying, no books, no mock trials, no drilling him with law details, no going off to work/school, no nothing. It’s been wonderful. We’ve split the work load around the house, attended to Sam together (except, of course, for all things sleep related because clearly only Mommy can do that job), and we’ve spent afternoons at the park, the zoo, or running errands together. It all stops here.

Tomorrow Hubby starts his new job, the one we moved here for, and Sam and I are just the two of us again. We’ve done it before, we can do it again. The bad news is that Hubby’s work day is a lot longer than we realized…a LOT longer than I realized. What I thought was going to be him gone for 9-10 hours including travel is realistically going to be 12-13 hours and that’s if we cut out some of the time away by driving him to the train (we have one car). So now we have problems with dinner together, the problem being that we can’t really do it, not to mention the fact that Hubby will potentially be coming home during Sam’s bedtime. It’s all very stressful and complicated…most of you probably know all about it.

In preparation for what is about to happen, Hubby has been trying to give me a little time to myself, probably because he realized when he informed me of his actual work day that I was on the verge of a tantrum. So I sit here now while he is out with Sam on an errand, and yesterday I got to have a Mommy morning. At first I had no idea what to do with myself. Has that ever happened to you? Your husband says, “Why don’t you go out and have some alone time.” Uh…ok…where do I go? What do I do? What exactly is it that I complain about not having time for? I need advance notice of all potential breaks so that I can make sure I have something legitimate to do. So yesterday I decided to go to this bead place and make myself a necklace. I know, it sounds so lame. And it sort of was. I didn’t really like being by myself all that much and frankly beading is really overwhelming. But I wanted to make something that could withstand Sam’s grip so that I can wear jewelry again, part of the whole “feel better about my appearance stop grubbing it up plan.” Afterwards I went to a coffee shop and had my little chocolate croissant and latte, part of the whole “wonder why I feel fat but continuously sabotage myself by pigging out at every possible moment plan.” Actually the woman was trying to charge me $8.00 for this initially, which confused me until we both realized she thought I’d ordered 2 chocolate croissants…….why would she think I was going to eat 2 chocolate croissants myself? I’ll not go there.

In total I spent about 3 hours away from Sam. That’s pretty much the longest I have ever been away from him since he was born. Well, there’s one exception when I was away for about 5 hours. It made me feel like a lunatic. It felt so wrong and weird. I sort of wanted to just keep on going and not go home for like 10 more hours or something, as though if I went home I’d never get out for that long ever again. That was 8 months ago. It hasn’t happened since. But yesterday, as it is with almost every time I get out on my own, I start to feel odd after about 2 hours. I start to look around and notice that all the other mommies have their kids with them and of course they all look so happy about it. I never see the totally frazzled looking woman with the screaming toddler when I am out on a break. No, they are all smiling and talking to each other, going on a walk in their stroller on a gorgeous day. This is all I saw on my walk to the coffee shop and then back to the car. There just comes a point in that time away where I feel an overwhelming sense of longing. I saw women with their kids and was just flooded with a need to look at Sam. And I knew I just needed to see him for a moment and then I would be able to go out for another 3 hours if that was an option (which it so was not), or I just needed to pick him up and get a “big hug” and then I could go on. That longing for my baby, it takes me full force. I just have to get him and squeeze him and…look at him. Can’t go more than a few hours without getting in at least a look.

So that’s what I need to try and remember as our lives are on the brink of change. That’s what I need to remember when I am that frazzled woman and he is all I’ve looked at for the past 10 hours. I just need to remember this:

Labels: Mommyhood, Pictures

So last week I discovered some little added bonuses to enhance my blogging. Yeah, I know, like I need to spend more time on it. But one has got me thinking and I want to ask for your opinions, and the other is just so amazingly helpful that I have to tell you about it. Both are probably things you have already heard about, but for me it was all very new.

First, I got Sitemeter for my site. I read about it over at Mama D’s and thought I’d look into it, just out of curiosity. I can’t say there’s anything really great about it, but it’s free and if you want to know more about who is looking at your site and how many people have been and how often your parents come each day (dude, you guys need to chill.) then there’s certainly no reason not to get it…unless it will make you obsess over your blog. I was afraid I would, but honestly after the first few days I forgot to even look at it, just like Mama D said I would.

But here’s where it gets a little dicey. I found out that there are more people coming here than I realized. You’d think I’d be happy about that, but it has brought up some concerns for me. Before, I lived in my nice little oblivious world where everyone who came to my site left me comments and I was getting to know all of you and it was all very happy. Now I realize there are some strangers coming around. And I don’t mind lurkers, not at all (hello lurkers), as long as they are not the kind of scary lurker that hides in the shadows of dark alleys, know what I mean? And I’m not saying I have like tons of readers or anything, I don’t. But it only takes one freak, right? And this made me realize that there are people coming over who I don’t know about, which has gotten me thinking about internet safety. I wanted this blog to be about Sam and my family, and I never really thought to worry about weirdos checking it out, maybe I should have – I still don’t know. But I’m thinking about it now. Do I want to post all these pictures? Do I want to use my son’s name, my name, both of which are fairly common? Do I want people to know what city I am in? The answer to that one is “no” and so I have changed my little “about me” over there. I worry that stressing about this will stop me from writing things about him that I love to share, but obviously I want to be smart about it. I know every single person reading this has a different opinion on it. I’d like to hear it. Where do you stand on what is appropriate for a mommy blog and why?

And now for something more fun for you to comment about – I am considering using a nickname for Sam, both for safety and his own privacy. The first thing I thought of was “Little Pooper (LP),” because I call him that all the time, because that is what he is. But some of you guys know him pretty well by now, and you know he is more than a poop machine. Got any suggestions?

Now onto the other site I discovered. Stephanie posted recently about Bloglines, which I had heard of before but never actually bothered to find out about. Well, I did. IT IS AWESOME. If you have not gone there and subscribed for feeds for all the blogs you read then you are missing out. It saves you so much time because you know just by checking it who has put up a new post since you last did your rounds. I now feel like I can “manage” my blog reading. Some of you may think, “What is she talking about? Who needs to manage blog reading?” Fine, then I am the one with a problem – my name is Beth and I’m a blogoholic – but for those of you who have ever said to your husband, “I’m really behind on my commenting. It’s getting difficult to remember who I need to read and stuff. I wish I could manage it somehow,” then bloglines is for you.

So tell me all about it: I need your opinions on privacy for mommy blogs, an awesome nickname for Sam, and to hear that Bloglines has changed your life.

Labels: Bloggy Stuff - Memes/Links/Business

“Kiss Off”

Labels: Bloggy Stuff - Memes/Links/Business, Pictures

For years and years I wore the same ugly nightshirt. Even Hubby commented on its hideousness occasionally, but I explained very patiently that it was comfortable, which is certainly the most important quality in sleepwear. Year by year, the nightshirt stayed. When I think back, I’m pretty sure I got it in high school – it was that old, blue with tannish flowers and an awful neckline with strange embroidery. It was butt ugly, I couldn’t argue with him on that.

After I had Sam I really needed a nightshirt that could open up so that I could nurse him at night…let me rephrase that, so that I could nurse him all night long. I had seen a nightshirt in a maternity store that had slits on the front for just this purpose. In my extreme exhaustion I decided it would be a good idea to give my lovely nightshirt a little makeover. Scissors in hand I told Hubby what I was going to do, and he did not raise a finger to stop me. I know why. He saw me with those scissors and thought to himself, “This is it! This is the end of the Butt Ugly nightshirt I’ve had to look at for the past 4 years. Stay silent. Take no part in what is about to happen, because when this turns out horribly you don’t want to have been involved in any way.” Sometimes silence says more than words.

And so I cut my “nursing slits” in my beloved nightshirt. The result reminded both of us of Silence of The Lambs. You know the part where you get to see that dress hanging on the back of the closet door when it all becomes clear that the killer is following a dress pattern using the skin of the women? That’s what it looked like, with its symmetrical diamonds cut out of the front. What added more to this effect were my huge breastfeeding nummies protruding from these slits in their flesh colored nursing bra. It was all very…fleshy. It was gross. It gave whole new meaning to Butt Ugly. That was the end of my long loved nightshirt. I’ll always wonder how Hubby did not rejoice out loud in front of me, but he kept silent and made sure he wasn’t even the one to suggest that it might be time to let go.

The replacement nightshirt was equally unattractive. I knew now that I needed something that opened up so that Sam could nurse next to me, but finding a short sleeved snap up nightshirt is a lot harder than you’d think. It’s the whole short sleeved aspect. But any of you who have slept in the bed with your baby while nursing know that it is just a big sweat fest. Sam would leave sweat stains on the bed as he slept in my armpit, so dressing lightly was crucial. So the one and only shirt I found was yet another Butt Ugly blue number. More floral was involved, this time consisting of other shades of blue and red creeping up and down the front. It was so amazingly Granny-esque, but again, quite functional. And that’s what I’ve been wearing for I don’t know how many months. It’s been long enough that the whole thing started to stretch out, and lose all semblance of the shape it once had. It was not flattering. I was not attractive. But Hubby was smart enough this time to keep his yap shut, knowing I required a fully functional piece for getting through the night shift with Sam.

He let me wear Butt Ugly 2, “The Big Granny,” without saying a word. Perhaps he knew that I would one day discover on my own how truly unattractive the shirt was and perhaps have the motivation to change it. Yesterday I finally had that realization. I woke up in the morning and looked down at my stupid shirt AGAIN, and thought to myself, “Why the hell am I wearing this still? I don’t even use the snaps any more – I just lift the shirt for Sam. There is no shape to it, making me appear even larger than I already am. And most importantly I am not, in fact, 65 years old. I would never under any other circumstances buy this shirt. Had my mother held it up to show me in a store I totally would have rolled my eyes and probably made some sort of sound effect a la barf.” I started to wonder why I would make a choice to specifically be unattractive and not care. I started to think about other ways I do that each and every day. It’s as though I have given up in certain areas claiming exhaustion, stress, lack of time, and perhaps just being married as an excuse. I wear clothes sometimes that I have seen pictures of myself in and sworn I would never put them on again only to pick up those nasty shorts again the next day. I’m wearing them right now! Why?!

It was time for a change, and I encourage you to follow the following steps to make this change with me; I think you’ll feel better. This will not be a huge change. For example I was not going to give up my lame mom haircut or put on anything more than lipgloss because that is just not realistic. I can get myself better pajamas though. I can wear something to lounge around in during the evenings and mornings that actually fits and has a least a hint of cuteness (dare I say even sexiness) and does not insinuate that I feel ok about becoming a grandmother just yet. And that’s what I did. I took an hour for myself and went to Kohls – easy, inexpensive - to get some new jammies. And I love them. They do not involve lace or frills, nor would they ever be categorized in the negligee genre. They are simple. Very soft solid shirts that are actually my size in nice, flattering colors (the softness adds the sexy) and crop pants that also fit and compliment the shirts. These jammies are cute and comfy, who knew? It’s not like I went out and bought some sort of “let me slip into something more comfortable” nightie that only comes out for birthdays or something. These are functional yet not totally disgusting, and that’s all I’m saying here. Just a little bit of improvement can go a long way in how you feel. As moms, we spend a lot of time in our jammies, and when husbands work then much of the time they get to see us (mornings and evenings) we happen to be in our jammies, so it really is important that we not feel like hags during that time.

So I say to you, go forth. Go forth all of you mommies who have been schlepping around in that Butt Ugly of your own, whatever it may be. Go out for one hour to the nearest cheap department store and get yourself something nice that you will feel good about. I will only add the following rules to make sure that you really benefit from your excursion. And you MUST follow the rules.

1) You may not shop for your child. You may not even look. You may not enter the children’s clothing or toy section of the store. If you feel this will be difficult, you are not alone. I tried to get my cart past the little boy clothes but that thing had a mind of its own. I had to leave it behind and save myself. It might be a good idea to take an alternate route past those sections if you feel this could be an issue.

2) You must buy something you will actually wear. We all have those little nighties of various kinds that never come out of the drawer because they are not practical and are only for certain…special occasions, ahem. No, the point here is to find something that you will enjoy every day and night. So stick to whatever pajama style you happen to wear and then find something in that style.

3) It has to fit. You are not allowed to buy the next size up. This is not up for debate. Stop asking me! No! Listen to me, look at my eyes: IT HAS TO BE IN YOUR SIZE. You will feel better because you will be less bulky and it will still be comfortable if you have done a good job of finding the right thing. I promise.

4) The new item may not be in the same color scheme as your old bedtime attire. We need to do some pattern breaking here ladies. Try something new.

5) If, on your way out, you happen to pass the make-up section and it is calling to you, you must go there. We are working on feeling just a little better about ourselves and if you are a product junkie who has been deprived since becoming a mom and getting on a budget then it is high time you allow yourself a little somthin’ somthin’. Get yourself one thing that you will use every day. Again, not something that will go in a drawer and come out for special occasions. For me, it was some under-eye cream that is meant to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes (big shocker I would go for this, right?) using the “reflecting qualities of Micah.” Yeah, I don’t care. I wanted it and I like it. Go find one for yourself and use without guilt.

Trust me, when you tell your husband what you want to do at the store he will jump at the chance to watch the kiddies while you go. He’s been looking at that blue floral thing for God knows how long and his eyes are sore. This is just as much for him as it is you; he’ll make sure you get there. And seriously, there’d better not be a husband out there that would deny their wife one hour to rejuvenate.

Go forth. I wish you well.

Labels: Mommyhood, Tales

I just realized that I failed to mention in my previous post that Hubby was in there with Sam. I just edited the post to make it a bit more clear, but for some reason I still felt the need to add this because I realize the rest of the post (as well as previous posts) may have been confusing/contradictory. Hubby was trying to put him to bed so that he could work on finding ways to comfort Sam. It didn’t work, as you will/did read, but I was not saying that we were in the midst of a crying it out plan.

Labels: Sleep, or the lackthereof