Transitional Objects
Ever since Sam was born I have waited to see what would be chosen as his “Lovey.” I didn’t know when it would happen, but I looked forward to seeing what type of object would become the object of his affection. For me there was Old Dolly, a tattered mess of a bean bag doll that I carried with me EVERYWHERE for several years - only my mom can probably tell you how many years it was (comment jaybee4000?). Early on I tried to force some type of Lovey on him because I wanted him to have one. I don’t know why. I guess I just find it endearing somehow. I would envision him walking around the house with a dirty old blanket or a stuffed animal dangling from his hand. To a great extent I’m sure I also wanted him to have one because it might have helped with his horribly horrendous sleep habits - if he was attached to an object perhaps he could be just a wee bit less attached to me. When it didn’t happen naturally I would go in search of something that might make a good Lovey and as a result ended up with several animals, dolls, and blankets that have been completely untouched. Sam is just not into snuggly toys, never has been. And so, I eventually gave up on the Lovey and accepted that I’d never get to see him cuddled up on the couch with a bear.
Sam is just more interested in cars/trucks/trains/things with wheels. Again, he always has been. We certainly did not seek out stereotypical boy toys for him when he was a baby. Over the past year or so he has become more and more attached to his cars and trains and trucks. First they were what he always wanted to play with, then they started coming with us everywhere. I learned very quickly that when it was time to leave the house it was crucial that Sam be given an opportunity to choose which two cars/trains/trucks he would bring on our journey. If, perchance, we got out of the house without at least two small vehicles we would never even make it to the elevator before he would scream in realization of our mistake. His vehicles sat with him in shopping carts, were carried around playgrounds, and clutched at playgroups. At home, Sam cannot move to a new location without bringing some number of cars. If I want him to come from the living room to the dinner table he must bring somewhere between 2 and 10 vehicles. They then must be lined up on the table to “watch” him eat (he’s not allowed to play with them at the table; they have to be “parked”) and I cannot expect him to get up in his seat until they are all perfectly in place. This is pretty much true for any movement from one room to another. Time must be allotted for the selection and positioning of matchbox cars and/or Thomas trains no matter what the activity.
More recently, Sam started wanting to bring trains and cars to bed with him. At first I tried to persuade him to bring them to bed for our reading time and then put the vehicles to “sleep” on the nightstand. It worked for a little while, but then there were battles when it was time to put the trains in their beds, and really, that’s not a battle worth waging as long as he doesn’t try to play with them instead of going to sleep. So now part of our bedtime ritual includes the selection of two very special Loveys. One night Sam will fall asleep holding Blue Choo Choo in one hand and Black Car in another, the next night it could be Red Pick Up Truck and Big Red Car. I’m not sure how he chooses each night; he loves so many (although there are about 6-10 to which he is truly attached and are chosen repeatedly). And somehow the whole thing happened without me even really thinking about it and seeing what was going on. They’re not exactly what I would have chosen for his Loveys, but the fact that my son sleeps with a car in each hand held close to his chest and talks in his sleep about choo choos and parking cars is pretty endearing if you ask me.
It is endearing, until you are stumbling blindly through the living room at 3:30 in the morning, groping in the dark for Big Red Choo Choo as your son wails and screams, and no — it’s missing, I can’t find Big Red Choo Choo, this is it, we’re all going to go crazy for good — but then (aha!) here is White Pick Up Truck, perhaps he’ll like that instead — and upon returning, finding him already half asleep and happy to accept White Pick Up Truck in place of Big Red Choo Choo, but now your wife is wide awake and will not get any more sleep because the screams and wails have shifted Child Two from deep sleep to whatever phase of sleep you call it when the kid wiggles and grunts for three hours straight, and you know you’re all in for a VERY LONG DAY.
I have to go now and pass out on my keyboard at work.
I think Old Dolly was replaced with New Old Dolly somewhere around the time you were 3 or 4. But you never liked New Old Dolly. Just so you know, I still have Old Dolly and got her out today and looked at her. Remind me to show her to you the next time you visit. She is very tattered and more than well worn.
I recommend that you buy another Blue Choo Choo right now so that when you can’t find one there is another waiting in the wings.
Yikes - cars and trains must be a little hard to find in the dark!! It can be tense times too when a little one starts wailing too! Our baby girl is extremely attached to her pacifier and will wake up at all ungodly hours of the night wailing because she can’t find herself. I have learned to have at least four by the crib to help out with those emergencies.
I think it sounds pretty cute too. Although it could get a little uncomfortable if he moves around a lot in his sleep!
Ok, now we need a picture of old Dolly.
This brought back memories of Justin as a toddler. He LOVED, no, obssessed over Thomas the Tank Engine. One year, alllll he wanted for Christmas was Lady the Engine. Well, Lady was only battery operated back then, so she was over $20 but my baby REALLY wanted it, and Santa luckily came thru. He slept with, played with, ate with Lady for 2 weeks, and then lost her! ACK! We searched high and low, had many crying nights, and I finally ordered another one. Well, you guessed it, on the day that the new Lady arrived, we found the old one! He then had TWO Lady’s, if you could ever imagine such a joy, and everyone lived happily ever after.
My two older girls are exactly the same way with their ponies/stuffed animals… luckily for us at the table we just have a rule that all animals have to eat on the floor. Good in case we ever get a pet too!
Ah yes, Tom has only recently begun bonding with an old Care Bear of mine. Before the bear, he used to sleep with a very large tractor. Very cute.
just wait until he’s closer to three than two; he’ll no longer go right to sleep when you put him to bed with cars in hand. You’ll hear full on Greek tragedies coming from his room for at least a half an hour after bedtime.
[...] as I might, Sam never had a lovey other than his toy cars, so this is something totally new for me to see. That Robby chose one of the few toys in this house [...]