2 > 2xh
November? Really? My last post was in November? Dear God. No wonder I’ve started getting emails asking of all is well over here. Thank you for those, by the way. Hearing from some of you and knowing you still care to check in even when I am not posting and commenting on your blogs really means a lot - it proves to me what I said long ago: that blog friends are real friends too. And I owe you all an apology, because dropping off the face of the internet like that is not cool.
Please, let me explain (not that this is an excuse, because I know some of you were actually worried about me). For me, and this is certainly not to scare those of you with another on the way (see, I do lurk every so often:), but having two kids is more than twice as hard as having one. Honestly. I’m having my butt kicked day in and day out over here. How do you guys do it? Some of you have three, four, FIVE AND MORE children! How on earth do you do it? I think it’s something about the way I feel when I have two kids screaming at me simultaneously that is really throwing me. It’s like I can’t run back and forth between them fast enough for anyone to be satisfied, and that’s kind of what it feels like all day long. Any time I try to take all of us out it results in screaming scenes of horror for at least one (Robby screams for the duration of every car ride), if not two children (Sam refuses to walk), and sometimes one mommy, and anytime we stay in all day to avoid those scenes it feels like the days are 20 hours long, causing Sam and I to go stir crazy…on each other…if it is possible to go stir crazy on another person. So there it is. It’s been rough. And I know it will pass. I know, “things will get easier,” as they get older and it’s the age they are and all that stuff that people tell me. But it’s hard right now. And I’m having a hard time. And some days that’s ok and I can keep it all in perspective, and some days it’s less ok because it makes me feel like an awful mom. And when being a mom is all I’m doing, feeling like I’m bad at it is particularly hard. I’ve said all this before. In fact, I’ve started this post at least three times before and just never finished or put it up. But if I’m going to be honest, that’s why I haven’t been blogging, because if I sat down to blog it wasn’t going to be to post about how beautiful everything is with cute pictures and funny stories. It was going to be blah. And it’s not so much that I didn’t want to abuse you all with my blah - I know it’s my blog and I reserve the right to blah you all if I must - but I just didn’t feel like working up the energy and finding the time just to go and blah around, you know?
With that in mind, I’ve been trying to find other things to work on and focus on so that I have something of my own. This is, perhaps another reason for my long absence. What little time I have had (Sam doesn’t nap anymore!) has been spent looking at various degree programs and working on a few other little projects that I hope to one day share some good news about. Oh, and by the way, we also bought a house. Yeah, our first house. So that was huge and took up a huge part of my time for the past several months - searching, negotiating, inspecting, negotiating more, etc. We move in May.
But I’m still sorry. And I think I might finally be back. I’ve missed you guys. I’ve missed blogging, and this time I think I might really be back. I’ve been lurking around a bit and checking on everyone here and there, not typically commenting because that requires hands, but reading and responding in my mind. And I forgot how much I learn from reading blogs! I’m sort of getting back involved in some current issues on which I have a bit to say, and it’s not like I don’t have some cute pictures and funny stories to share as well. I’m hoping that by getting this off my chest - that this is hard, very very hard, damn hard - and admitting (and accepting) that, I can now move on to other things, other topics, other posts. I hope.
Don’t feel bad I so understand, it will get better. At least that’s what I believe too.
Comment by Nicole — February 8, 2008 @ 11:33 am
Hey hon! Sounds like you’re really busy. Blogging shouldn’t be something to overwhelm you, you should enjoy it! Hope things are settling down a bit for ya.
Comment by tracey — February 8, 2008 @ 1:52 pm
I am glad to see you back! And yes, I think adding #2 is exponentially harder, especially when it comes to getting out of the house. I’m always late every place I go now because I honestly think that it will not take as long as it does. Every time.
Feel free to blah away.
Comment by kelli in the mirror — February 8, 2008 @ 3:57 pm
You need some sunlight. Winter is hard for you even without two kids. Love ya.
Comment by jaybee4000 — February 8, 2008 @ 4:18 pm
Hugs to you.
I have missed you, but can’t fathom taking care of both Avery and a baby so I am impressed that you are still coherent.
Hope things settle down a little bit and you can find a little time for youself. You SO deserve it.
Comment by Jamie — February 8, 2008 @ 4:58 pm
So glad to read your thoughts and words again! I’m glad you are okay. Hang in there.
Comment by gretchen from lifenut — February 8, 2008 @ 7:37 pm
I’m in one of those can’t really comment moments, but just wanted to say welcome back! You were missed!
Comment by mama's nest — February 12, 2008 @ 3:39 pm
I know you probably hate to hear “it will get better” ’cause right now it feels like this is life. Forever. But honestly, it will get better. Winter lasts way too long but spring is just around the corner. You are doing an awesome job by giving your kids the gift of staying home with them.
Comment by Jenn — February 12, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
i’m seriously impressed with you. i know i have told you this before, but i would be completely insane if bb wasn’t in school. i’m SO glad we waited til he was 3 to have another baby. seriously. mommy would be losing it. bigtime. so, hats off to you!!! you go, girl. and make sure you get some time to yourself–no matter how hard it is to do.
Comment by kate — February 12, 2008 @ 7:26 pm
Hey, you’re back!
You get used to it, honestly. Having a BABY is not the same thing as having a kid - once they get a bit older it is suddenly much, much easier.
Comment by Rebecca — February 14, 2008 @ 7:56 pm
I’ll be so excited if you’re really back! I think you’ll get there with the two kids thing… they stop crying eventually!
Steph
Comment by Adventures In Babywearing — February 15, 2008 @ 8:26 am
Um… yeah. I was/am already scared. So don’t worry, it’s not your fault. Basically, we knew we wanted to have two - regardless. So we took the plunge. I am fully expecting it to be insane and hard and sometimes, just plain awful. I am sorry that you are struggling. I worry because I struggle now as well. I feel terrible when I find myself counting down the hours until A’s bedtime and I think “What kind of a life is this?” But then they do something ridiculously quirky and adorable and you almost forget that you even thought that way. Sound familiar?
I miss you.
Comment by Mama D — February 18, 2008 @ 11:33 pm
We missed you too!! I totally agree that 2 is more than twice as hard…there are days when I am about to pull my hair out cuz as soon as I THINK I’ve got one happy and fed, etc., the other starts up.
Comment by Nicole — February 27, 2008 @ 4:29 pm