Here are the top five things you do not want to be doing while a baby is screaming at you. And I have a lot of experience with this now, so you can trust me.

5. Driving. I seriously considered driving into the car in front of me the other day because it JUST WOULDN’T MOVE.

4. Anything where a sudden jerk of the arm may result in blindness, burn, or maiming, such as applying eyeliner, taking a sip of your cup of coffee, or chopping carrots.

3. Trying to conduct a time-sensitive phone conversation involving something critical, such as making a decision about locking in an interest rate on a home loan before market closes.

2. Trying to put the blue pants on an almost three-year-old who wants to wear the brown pants. BTW, the brown pants in this scenario are obviously dirty and unavailable. Seriously, the moms who can keep it together and maintain patience with their older child when things like this happen (aka child who is being insistent about a minor detail and being totally uncooperative despite younger brother’s screams of fury) are totally amazing.

1. You know what it is people . . . yes, you do. Involves a throne? Yeah. I don’t need to tell ya’ll. Man, I hate it when that happens. Talk about a time you don’t want to feel rushed . . . and I especially like it when you can hear the baby screaming in the other room where you’ve left him in his crib and you’ve got the older one in the room with you yelling at you to come and do whatever it is he wants you to do - fix a train, find a sippy cup, pick a booger, whatever - but you can’t actually hear what he wants because the baby is so loud, and you can’t actually help him right now anyway because, well, you’re stuck. Yeah. Love that moment. What is that, like every day?