Mama Fashionista
So, there’s this woman I know . . .
She’s a stay at home mom, and I’ve seen her around a few times - playgrounds, community events, etc. - I’ve talked to her a bit. She’s nice, a little weird maybe, really great with her kids. The thing is, she’s like uber-fashionable. Do you know what I mean? Once she was at the playground totally decked out like she was on a magazine cover, wearing all of the “hottest trends.” She had the hat, the decorative scarf (I know that’s not the right term. You can see I am out of my element here. A scarf that is not for warmth as much as it is for fashion. Whatever that’s called), a vest thingy, nice pants that I am tempted to refer to as “slacks,” and it was all coordinated in the colors of the season, if you will. And I have to say, she looked ridiculous.
I know I shouldn’t be talking smack, but I just find the whole thing really fascinating. Why does she dress like that? I wonder about this every time I see her. Is it for me or the other random moms she sees as she goes through her day? Is it for her kids? I doubt it. I suppose it’s for her, but why?
The whole stay at home moms who’ve let themselves go thing is such a pervasive stereotype. I mean, how many makeovers have we seen of moms getting new hair, new clothes, tons of make-up, all to make them feel better about how they look because for the last such and such number of years they’ve been putting everyone else before them/ tending to their needs last/ haven’t had the time or energy to pay attention to themselves/ etcetera etcetera. The thing is though, at the end of those make-over shows - you know, after I’ve oohed and aahed over their miraculous transformation and looked down at what I’m wearing, shaking my head, promising myself that tomorrow I’ll “put myself first for once!” - I then start to think about how weird they’d look if they went through their day like that. Is she really going to wear that scarlet red trench and the shiny boots with heels just to pick up her kid at pre-school? Seriously?
I’m not saying the intent isn’t in the right place. We do need to give ourselves attention and do what we need to do in order to feel good about ourselves. I remember when I challenged you all to get out of those butt-ugly, frayed, unflattering PJs. I expounded on how much better I felt from just a simple change to slightly nicer lounging clothes. My main argument was that if my husband was only going to see me in pajamas every day, then they’d better be some damn nice pajamas. And I meant all of that. When we feel less frumpy, we just feel better, at least I do anyway. But I try to keep it practical.
But where do we draw the line? I’ve used this woman as an example because I have never once noticed what another mom is wearing at a playgroup, school, playground, whatever, and thought she was under-dressed. I never look at someone and think, “Ugh, I can’t BELIEVE she’s wearing a t-shirt and JEANS of all things! She’s REALLY let herself go!” I never think that because I understand what we do each and every day, and I understand that comfort is generally the first priority. It’s when the opposite is the case that I really notice it and start to wonder what is going on with someone, “Where the heck is she going that she needs to dress like THAT?” And then, if I’m feeling bitchy, I enter the “Who does she think she is?” realm, but I really try not to. I understand this is all a preference, I just question the motivation behind a decision like that.
How much of this little show is for us to genuinely feel good about our appearance, and how much is us just buying in to what we are told every day about who we are as SAHMs? We’re told that we’re frumpy, unfashionable, overweight, have bad (mom) haircuts, and constantly put ourselves last. So how much of what we do is just us trying to prove everyone else wrong? How much of it, if any, is a sign of dissatisfaction with what we are doing? Or, are these stereotypes in place because they are all true?
I pretty much wear the same two outfits every day; they’re like my uniforms. They’re not ugly, but they’re certainly not hot either. They’re functional, comfortable, and at the ready when I need to get dressed in the morning and have one, if not two children screaming at me. I would say that if someone saw me out on the street during the day, even without my kids, they’d probably know I’m a mom. I imagine the lack of makeup, the air-dried hair, the bags under my eyes, and the clothes that are clearly not meant for the office or appearances in general probably tells them what I am. I suppose I just look like a mom, whatever that means. So, perhaps I feed-in to the opinion our culture has of SAHMS. I guess I’m just wondering if that really is such a bad thing.
Besides, no one really knows what’s beyond the surface for us moms. My huge nursing bra is hot pink, baby.
Labels: Mommyhood
Amen amen!! I wear the MOST laid-back clothing these days. And I have NO guilt about it. If I get a shower, it’s a good day. Period. If my hair is in any other style than a ponytail, you’re lucky to have caught me in a presentable state. My ‘uniforms’ consist of workout shorts and either a teeshirt or a fleece, depending on the temp.
Comment by Nicole — April 8, 2008 @ 8:02 pm
I don’t mind fashion, and will occasionally branch out from my usual yoga/cargo/jean and a t-shirt uniform… so long as we are still talking about stuff that washes well, and that I can sprint to save a wayward toddler in. I have often been known to add a simple pair of earrings or other sturdy bit of accessory, kids are hard on gee-gaws, but all three of my girls love to see me dolled up a tad.
I know several of the Diva-moms in the neighborhood, they are nice ladies and I just chalk up their uber-grooming to hobby status. It’s what they like to do, they think it’s fun, just like some moms love a clean house, some moms love to scrapbook, some moms work-out, and some moms will take their precious free time and read a book. You do what you love and your Momjob and not much else. I bet this gal don’t blog.
Comment by bon — April 8, 2008 @ 9:30 pm
I think it’s a hobby for some moms. I get fashion magazines and while I can’t afford ANYTHING they feature, they give me inspiration to transcend the uniform. Sometimes. Like maybe once or twice a week, I’ll attempt to look a bit glossy.
My secret is the skirt. You could have a basic t-shirt and jeans combo. Take off the jeans, put on the skirt, and suddenly you are Dressy Bessie. Add some jewelry and cute shoes and now you are Posh Spice, but far more bloated.
Seriously, though, I wear the Colorado Mom Uniform on the majority of days, which means everything looks like it cost $1.49 except for the very expensive coat/vest.
Comment by gretchen from lifenut — April 9, 2008 @ 8:33 am
There are a few mothers I’ll run into that are always overdressed. I mean, I live in an Illinois suburb, not New York City. Fashion isn’t considered top priority, if it’s considered at all. Maybe she’s trying to make herself feel better….
Comment by tracey — April 9, 2008 @ 9:47 am
I’m a sahm and I switch between 2 pair of jeans (except at home I’m always in lounge pants and a tank) and have a few shirts that look nice. The only jewelry I sport is my wedding set. When I go out of the house I barely even put makeup on…and for church on Sunday I usually throw on a necklace! LOL. This year I’ve decided that I’m dressing/looking for me, no one else. I always wonder how mom’s have the TIME to get all decked out?? I barely have time to throw my dreads in a ponytail!!
Comment by flipflopmamma — April 9, 2008 @ 10:28 am
Hmm. My wife has forever begged me to get new clothes. I resist. I don’t know why.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
Comment by Mike — April 9, 2008 @ 2:24 pm
Yeah, it’s weird for me. On the days I’m home I wear the comfy stuff. And then of course I have to dress up for work. But the difference for me is that I’m not looking after my kid when I’m dressed that way. Also, I don’t wear impractical clothes or shoes to work no matter how fashionable they might be. I always draw a line at comfort.
Comment by Mama D — April 9, 2008 @ 3:12 pm
Erm … dressing up for me of late is putting on a pair of jeans.
Seriously though, I never pay attention to what other women are wearing. I just don’t think of it mostly because I am too busy trying to ensure that my diva daughter isn’t screaming her head off and that I haven’t lost my son in the chaos. And honestly, I don’t really care what others are wearing. There are times that I may have seen a mom a little over dressed in a playground or something, but the absurdity of it made me smile and then it was forgotten about.
I do have to admit though, that I have promised myself that I want to take better care in my appearance but that it is for me. I just find that after a year of wearing the same outfit that I want to branch out and feel different. Sadly though, it is in the not so distant future that I have to go back to work and it will then be back into the office clothes and I will be admiring the moms who are free and comfy in their puke soaked yoga pants …..
Comment by Allie — April 9, 2008 @ 10:52 pm
I love this! I’ve thought of it often, since I traded in the working outfits for my SAHM uniforms. It’s been funny since I’ve been pregnant again–so many of the maternity clothes I wore last time (when I was working) are just too much ironing, too impractical, too much something. I’ve ended up wearing about the same seven outfits this entire pregnancy, spiced up with some loaners from a good friend.
I have this new theory though, that’s a lot like your pajama theory. It’s a spinoff of my theory about dressing my kid (s). Basically, when I buy clothes ahead of season for the boy, I make sure he has 7 daily outfits, at least one church outfit, swimsuit, etc. that is necessary for that season. Then I stop buying. If I buy something later it’s because it was too cute to pass up, or he gets clothing gifts, great. But he doesn’t really NEED five weeks worth of outfits filling up drawers and closets. So, my plan for me is to do something similar. I’m going through my clothes with a vengeance post pregnancy, weeding out the stuff from high school and college, weeding out the stuff that doesn’t fit, requires too much ironing, or I just never wear. And then I’ll fill in the blanks with new, nice, comfy, mom clothes. Not a lot of clothes, just enough to get from one laundry day to the next. So I can look like a mom, just like a mom from this decade!
Comment by Amy — April 9, 2008 @ 11:14 pm
I love this post. You are so honest and I agree completely with you. If I was at home all day, I would never get dressed. I get dressed for work, but it’s boring stuff I tell you that much. I mix between 4 pairs of pants and knit shirts that are in no way dressy… washable, functional, that is what they are.
Comment by Gina — April 28, 2008 @ 9:42 am