Comments on: Got some flaming pants over here, ya’ll

By: Alli

Alli — Mon, 19 May 2008 01:18:52 +0000

I can’t offer much but a hug and a “been there, done that, still doin’ it” and tell you what we do. The boys fight more than I’m comfortable with. But we talk a lot about respect and being loving (”kind words and gentle hands” is a phrase we use a bunch around here). We also remind the older two that as the bigger, stronger brothers, they have to be gentle with their little brothers. And that we don’t hurt each other.

As for the lying. I’ve done the whole “You’re not gonna get in trouble” line before in the same situation as yours. After I’ve promised that, and I find out they’re lying, we have a little mini-lecture about what lying is and how we have to trust one another. We talk about how lying is wrong and it hurts people (especially the ones you love). Then I ask him what would have been the right way to handle it all. Sam might be a little young to take all that in, but you’ll be planting the seeds. The next time you think he might be fibbing a bit, warn him that you trust him to do the right thing and tell the truth the first time. That works like a charm for my first boy (being the classic first child that he is).

{{hugs}} That’s what we do. It may or may not work for you, but please know you’re certainly not alone.

By: Mama D

Mama D — Sun, 18 May 2008 02:18:11 +0000

I got nothing. I know this is something I have to look forward to because A’s tendency is to be a tad aggressive. I’m hoping there is enough of an age difference for right now that she will be motherly instead of a bully.

I don’t think the fighting back thing is a bad thing. It evens the playing field and I’m sure that it will not get out of hand because you will have a handle on things. I think it’s good when kids can and will defend themselves… Maybe because I was picked on… Hmmm…

By: tracey

tracey — Sat, 17 May 2008 01:32:58 +0000

I can only imagine what it would be to be 3 again… The lessons they have to learn are so incredibly huge. Lying, being one of them. Telling the truth (when it’s bad) is not something that comes naturally. And not overreacting when one child hurts another of your children is not natural, either.

Hang in there. Invest in Tylenol or Jack Daniel’s.

By: gretchen from lifenut

gretchen from lifenut — Sat, 17 May 2008 01:11:54 +0000

Yeah. We had four boys in 4.75 years. They are the worst enemies and the best buddies, sometimes in the same minute. We emphasize they are a team when they are in full battle mode, so knock it off, guys! Fights happen, though.

And yes, the little brothers learn to fight back!

By: flipflopmamma

flipflopmamma — Fri, 16 May 2008 19:27:51 +0000

I’ve always heard that they don’t lie to be deceiving, they just do it so they don’t get out of trouble. My 2yo has started the lying thing too:( I think as long as we break it before they get to junior high, we’ll be all good!

By: jaybee4000

jaybee4000 — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:36:54 +0000

I think all kids lie if they think it will keep them out of trouble. Don’t know how they learn to do it, but they do. I think that the smarter they are, the younger they start.

Don’t know that the hitting is a “boy” thing. Happens with girls too. But it gets better as they get older, especially when the younger one can defend himself. Sam will think twice about hitting Robby when he remembers that he might get hit back and it will hurt.

By: bon

bon — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:28:57 +0000

Totally laughing at Hubby’s comment now!

But I have only girls… and they never hit each other. With sticks or garden tools. Or shear one another with my good kitchen scissors. Or play ninja karate chop. Or anything like that.

By: sari

sari — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:01:37 +0000

We just built our backyard fighting pit, it’s great!! You don’t get any mess in the house.

No, I’m just kidding.

I will say, yes, the younger one will grow up and whup on the older one, three year age difference or not. At least that’s how it happened here.

Unfortunately, it seems like they just don’t know that hitting it hurting. It’s sort of like “hey, let’s try *this* and see what happens!” then the screaming starts and they start to get an idea that maybe that’s not right.

By: Hubby

Hubby — Fri, 16 May 2008 15:52:12 +0000

For the record, I also was very concerned about the fighting. You make it sound like I’d be okay with letting them duke it out in a backyard fighting pit.