Slipping
Next time you, say, fall down half a flight of stairs, you may find yourself sitting at the bottom letting it all pour out, so to speak. The tears may begin - the bruised and skinned elbow, the other jammed elbow, the already swelling back bruise, and the sore ass - but they may not stop there, with the surprise and physical pain of slipping down your new stairs. They may keep coming. And then you may find, sitting there at the bottom with your husband trying to determine if something is broken, that you just have to cry. You may find yourself saying to him, using the words of another blogger and friend because they just felt so right, “It’s just too much.”
The move has been hard on all of us. As well as it went for a move, it was still a move. And that still involves packing and upheaval and so forth. And well, I have a three year old. So let me tell you, two doesn’t hold a CANDLE to three. Nuh-uh. At least not in this house. Terrible twos? Pashah! Living with a three year old is like being screamed at all damn day. He starts screaming about something, we spend half an hour with me trying to help him use kind words and voice so that I can do whatever he is asking me to do, since I won’t do it if he screams at me, then he finally asks kindly, I do it, and thirty seconds later the cycle starts again. And that’s what we do all day long. It’s like constantly living in fear that whatever you do will set him off on another tirade.
So you may find yourself sitting there blubbering and asking what you did that ruined your child and talking about what a horrible mother you must be to have everyone so unhappy. It may launch a little cry-fest that lasts late into the night. Then you find yourself writing about it the next morning when you hear the little footsteps above your head. You think oh no! He’s up and he’s going to start screaming because no one was upstairs when he woke up - it’s going to start already, like a continuation of the fit he was having at bedtime… So you try and get it together and run as fast as you can to try and deter the tantrum, and as you approach the hallway where he is standing he smiles at you and says, “I feel better.” He walks toward you and says good morning. You tell him to be extra careful on the stairs because you fell down them last night. He wants to see your boo boos. Then he says, “I’m sowy you fell. I will kiss your boo boos,” which he does, gently planting a little kiss on each elbow, your back, and blowing one to the big bruise on your ass. You wonder what you’ve been talking about. You must be doing something right at some point in time to have such a sweet boy. And there you’ll sit, at the bottom of the stairs, telling him that now you feel much better.
Ugh! I’m also sorry you fell. But glad it sounds like you are alright, aside from the bruises and soreness.
Moving is hard. No matter how smoothly it may go.
And I’m telling you (and myself) that just because our kids scream at us all day it doesn’t mean we are doing anything wrong. (I refuse to believe it means that.) Also, from my experience, when I can’t take the crying anymore I ask A to please go to her room until she can stop. This at least gives me a little break. Obviously, I don’t do this every time, otherwise she’d be in her bedroom all. day. long. But if you haven’t tried that I highly recommend it. (Not trying to give advice you didn’t ask for, just a survival tip that works for me.)
And, as always you are a lovely writer.
Comment by Mama D — May 21, 2008 @ 9:31 am
Aw- you have ME all teary this morning. It feels so good to let it out, tho.
Steph
Comment by Adventures In Babywearing — May 21, 2008 @ 9:53 am
Moving is a very stressful thing. Right up there with death of a loved one, losing a job, or divorce. And it is just as stressful for Sam as for you. Him because of the new situation and concern for the unknown. Kids hate change. His screaming is probably his version of the melt down you had last night after the fall. Maybe you both were able to release some of the stress yesterday.
Hope the soreness and bruises go away soon.
Comment by jaybee4000 — May 21, 2008 @ 10:11 am
Moving is tough. I’ve never moved with kids, so I can’t imagine how stressful that must be.
And yeah, three is tougher than two. I wish I would have been let in on that secret. It does get better, though. Cordy is getting close to four, and I’m beginning to reason with her now. Doesn’t always work, but I’m thankful for the times it does. But know that you’re not a bad mother if your child has a lot of tantrums. I thought that for the longest time, and only recently have I been able to step back and realize that many kids were strong in spirit yet grew up to be well-adjusted, smart people.
Comment by Christina — May 21, 2008 @ 10:49 am
Sweet, sweet boy you have. I hope your owies are on the mend.
Nodding in agreement with Christina: Three is tougher than two by a long shot. Believe me, as I’ve had FIVE three year olds so far. A tough crowd. But oddly, it’s one of my favorite ages.
Four year olds are generally a joy, but they have the tendency to whine a lot.
Comment by gretchen from lifenut — May 21, 2008 @ 12:49 pm
i cannot imagine moving with 2 young’ns. it’s way stressful! go easy on yourself. and take your time.
by the way, i am sure i am not the first, but i bestowed the E award on you. check the blog if you have a moment.
Comment by kate — May 21, 2008 @ 12:54 pm
You are a really great writer. Although now I’m worried about 3….
Jenn
Comment by Jenn — May 21, 2008 @ 3:36 pm
I’m glad you weren’t seriously hurt.
I think one of my children had a terrible two until he was in kindergarten. Imagine all the conversations I’ve had with myself over the job I’m doing with him!! Good? Horrible? I don’t know.
Comment by sari — May 21, 2008 @ 7:02 pm
I feel EXACTLY the same way, but I am lacking the nice moment at the end. So, ENJOY those! You’re so lucky when you get them. Beautiful writing, by the way, as usual. Three sucks! (And wooden stairs. I know how that feels.)
Comment by Charline — May 21, 2008 @ 8:06 pm
Oh yeah, three is tough. But I think three year old tantrums lead directly to four year old independence. I hope you get a good night sleep to re-energize…sounds like you could use it.
Comment by Kathy/lessons from the laundry — May 21, 2008 @ 9:36 pm
Ouch! I remember when I fell on the stairs in my new house. Holding a baby, luckly she just got a little bonk on the head and yes I got the huge bruise on my arse. I hate it when every little thing sets them off. So glad to hear you both felt better the next morning. Sleep does help!
Comment by Dcan — May 21, 2008 @ 10:24 pm
As much as I’m sorry that you fell down the stairs, I think this was an amazing post! Very touching. Sweet boy kissing his Mama’s boo boos:)
Comment by flipflopmamma — May 21, 2008 @ 10:53 pm
I’ve been there–in that very moment–a thousand times at least. Only you explained it far more poignantly that I ever could!
Comment by Darcie — May 21, 2008 @ 11:18 pm
Been there, hon. Literally, at the foot of the stairs crying. Sending you a hug, cuz 3 is DEFINITELY harder than 2.
Comment by tracey — May 22, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
{{{hugs}}}
I’m glad you had a good cry. And I’m sorry that you got hurt and I hope you heal quickly and easily. I’d also like to tell you that 4 and 5 is easier. But then I’d be lying. BUT I will tell you that you are great mom and you’ll handle 4 and 5 (and all the other difficult stages) just as well as you’ve been handling 2 and 3. And you’ll have enough of those validating moments that you’ll continue to know that you are doing SOMETHING right.
Those are what gets me through the day.
~~lots of love~~
Comment by Alli — May 22, 2008 @ 7:57 pm
Are you feeling better?
I finally got around to reading last Sunday’s paper today (I know, terrible) and this made me laugh, go check it out:
http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/003144.php
Comment by sari — May 23, 2008 @ 2:54 pm
Oh Beth, having just gone through the whole upheaval of moving myself, I can completely relate to this post. After two months of getting settled, I can now go back and pat myself on the back for surviving that nightmare: a 3 yr old with a broken leg, a 1 yr old with a kidney infection, a husband living in another city, selling and packing the house to doing it all again in a new city and province.
The best part now? The kids LOVE it here, LOVE the house and are relatively HAPPY now that they realize that we are getting into a routine again. Chin up - you are almost there!!
As for the terrible 3’s, I find that wine helps with the frustration and guilt.
Comment by Allie — May 23, 2008 @ 10:50 pm
[…] put a hex on us or something. Let me share the evidence - all of this, with the exception of my trip down the stairs, has occurred in the past 76 […]
Pingback by Total Mom Haircut -- A Parenting Blog » A Plague on my New House! — May 30, 2008 @ 8:31 pm