Day Of Beth
Shhh…be very, very quiet. We’re hiding. No one can find us if you don’t make a sound. You hear the tantrum taking place on the other side of the door and down the stairs? Ignore that - we’re not here. Let someone else handle that, for today, today is our day.
I declared today “Day of Beth.” My parents are visiting, my husband is home, and dammit, I need a freakin’ break. For the sake of my sanity, for the sake of my kids, for the sake of my marriage, I just need a freakin’ break!
Sometimes you just have to insist, I guess. Because it’s not that my husband doesn’t want me to have time to myself. And it’s not that we don’t both agree that I deserve it - I pity the fool who insinuates I might not deserve it - but it’s hard to make it happen, you know. There’s always something else: another house project, another activity to do with the kids, another bath to give, another meal to make. But at some point you just have to say “No, I’m taking a break,” and make it happen for yourself.
For a long time I think I resented my husband for not making it happen for me, for not coming to me and handing it to me on a platter and saying, “Here, here is your break time. Everything that needs to be done is done, so you can feel free to take this time to yourself and not feel guilty.” But see, that was never going to happen because there is always something more; there will never be a time when everything is done. And it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t come to me and say that, especially when I am the one insisting that the dishes must be done before I can relax, because that is the only way I can feel I have earned my break. What the hell is that? Where did that ridiculous notion come from? I earn my right to time to myself every single day because everyone deserves a little bit of time to themselves. And that load of laundry does not have to be done before I have earned my right to an hour of peace and quiet. No sirree-Bob, it doesn’t.
And so, I am saying to you, you have to take it for yourself. No one else can hand this time to you, because there will always, always be more that has to be done. And that’s why you’re going to have to just stop and let it go. You can do the dishes later. No, seriously, you can; they’re not going anywhere.
Today I went shopping with my mom. I bought clothes and shoes, really cute shoes to replace the sandals I have been wearing for six years that smell (obviously). I had lunch with my mom at a restaurant and did not scarf down my food for fear that a child was going to go into meltdown mode. I drank a Mojito way too fast and got tipsy at 1:30 in the afternoon. I came home, gave each dumpling some mommy love, and retreated to this unused bedroom, leaving instructions to my parents and my husband that I was “no longer here,” and that if there was any confusion on that and children came pounding on this door, that I’d just leave the house for real, because today is Day Of Beth.
So please, for the love of yourself, declare it your day. One day soon, just do it. You do deserve it, the kids and whoever is watching them will survive. And most importantly: DO. NOT. FEEL. GUILTY.
Thanks for reminding me that it’s okay to take time for yourself. I haven’t had a whole day to myself since my son was born 22 1/2 months ago. Heck, most days I don’t even get to take a shower alone. I’ve been feeling really resentful lately. I promise to take that day really soon. I need it.
Oh, I love the idea of The Day Of Beth (or Sari, as it may be).
When we went on our vacation it was nice - because we visited my family and my husband’s family (in two different places). When we were with my family, my husband watched the kids more. When we were with his family, I watched them more, so each could spend more time visiting.
It sure was nice.
Happy Day of Beth!
(I’m kind of taking time too - the baby is asleep and everyone else went to the movies - shhhh!!)
LOL yes I think we all need a day to our selves. Not sure where you all are but I went on meetup.com and found a local playgroup and moms night out group that make life worth living. I do stuff for and with the kids and weekly we all get out for some fun. One MNO was blogging 101 at Sarah’s house. So you see why I am here at all its because My hubby does let me out and frankly more often than not!! Yeah for me. I will tell you we did a mini momcation the week end before fathers day we left @ 3 pm on friday and came home on sunday. It was so relaxing but the best part was we had totally planned to come home late sunday but we found ourselves so excited about the thought of seeing the kids we went home and arrived around dinner and suprised the family!! I will admit I actually cried as I picked up my two screaming cheering kids!It was the arrival of a queen and I truly felt blessed for each of the trials and tribulations that occur everyday. To be excited to return home is a feeling every mom should have! So check out meetup.com or find a fun group to join its worth it!
you go, girl!
i get “mommy time” every friday. and every week i think, “what would i do with out this!?” it’s not a ton of time, but i can usually get 2 hours sometimes 3. it’s niiiiiiiiice.
I’m singing: “Aaaaay-men, aaaaay-men, aaa-men, amen, amen!”
Great post, Beth!
Happy Day (and Night) of Beth!
Lets see the shoes =)
Sounds like a super fun day. I love Jenn days too (although with breast feeding it’s usually Jenn hours, but I know Jenn days are coming up soon)
Jenn
Yay! I hope you had a great Day Of Beth.
Good for you.
I am hoping for a day and a NIGHT of no kids here pretty soon….. Come ooooooon MIL!
Lovely!
I had a Weekend Of Gretchen in April when I flew to Chicago by myself to meet some girlfriends.
I’m still coasting on the fumes.
Beth I am so glad you had a day for yourself. Awesome. I am terrible for always finding another thing that has to be done before I can relax and it is dumb and it is exhausting. It’s true we have to just decide that we are going to relax NOW because we DO deserve it. And need it.
I hope you have a great visit with your parents too. I am sure they are loving all their time with you guys and the boys!!
That’s awesome. I am so glad everyone respected your time. You need it! Good for you. Shopping and chocolate always revive me. Naptimes do too.
Have a good week!
Great post!!
I LOVE that you drank a mojito at 1:30 in the afternoon. I would too. Love.them. Glad you had a wonderful day just for you. Since I am a working mom with the unusual yet wonderful and sometimes nerve-racking summer off, I take the kids to daycare once a week in the summer to keep them in the routine and to give myself a break. Usually I clean and get groceries. Last week I got a pedicure.
Since I never go anywhere in the evenings or weekends…have never been away from the kids for even one night, I think I deserve it. Yay me! And yay you!
A day to yourself, that sounds heavenly… thanks for the reminder.
Oh, I totally agree with you here! Good for you!!! Thanks for coming over to Mommy Confessions. I am definitely interested in the Philly Moms Group Blog. Just keep me poisted. Saves me the time of having to coordinate with the owner of the other city group blogs. Thanks!
Congrats on your day! Sounds wonderful.
I totally need a day like that. Can’t remember when
I had an entire day to myself. Although I just informed
the hubby that I was going away for a long weekend with my
Mom in December! Can’t wait. Four glorious nights in a bed
alone…no kids kicking me, no husband snoring…wonderful!
Although now I am worried. Will he be able to handle it alone?
You go girl, you totally deserve it and I will be taking a Mel day soon!!
Ooohhh …. good for you!! You hit home on this post for me and I can’t tell you how wonderful and inspiring it was to read!! I hope that you enjoyed Beth Day!! You certainly deserve it!!
Now, I am off to try and figure out how to make an Allie Day happen …..
The not feeling guilty part is definitely easier said than done. That said, however, I just returned from a girl power weekend and it was well worth every ounce of guilt I felt over going.
So, when is your next day of Beth scheduled for?
I wish tomorrow could be Beckday. Alas, it can’t.
VERY good idea. i will be copying you asap
Here Here!!! Hooray for you…you gotta do it sometimes and most of us don’t stand up and seize it for ourselves, as you said.
I.am.so.totally.doing.that.
I may not take a day (both the hubs and I work outside the home, so this may come back to bite me in the butt), maybe just an afternoon. And it will probably be while the kids are napping. So my hubby probably won’t do anything but work on the computer… so the dishes will probably, no definitely, still be there when I get back.
Hope you had a fabulous day!
You so deserve it! Congrats! These times do have to be forced. I have actually done this to Jamie once — greeted him by throwing a baby at him and saying I was going out for dinner with some moms. And I left. That was that. It was sweet.