Charline is my real-life friend. I remember meeting her for the first time and getting so excited as our conversation progressed because it was one of the first times since becoming a mom where I felt I actually had a lot in common with someone I’d just met, with or without our kids. One day when she came over, she walked into my living room, sat down, and looked at me with a sly little grin and said, “So…Total Mom Haircut?” It was the first time I had been caught as a blogger by someone I knew in real life. I had flashes of posts I’d written streaming before my eyes as I tried to remember if I’d ever said anything bad about anyone she’d known or described a situation that she’d witnessed. Of course, we are so much on the same page with most things that I didn’t really need to worry anyway because I suspect (at least I hope) that she would always have sided with me in any blog-worthy tale. And most importantly, she was later inspired to start her own blog, Project: Motherhood, so now I have a real-life friend to blog right along with me, and here she is:

I cannot fully take credit for the title of this post. Another wise stay-at-home mom I know used these words to describe what marriage is now like to me.

“Every man for himself.”

Now, this is specifically what marriage is like for me NOW. Marriage WITH children. Because it wasn’t always this way. There was a time when my husband and I were polite to each other and generous with each other’s time and energy.

“No, you have the last pork chop, dear.”

“Of course, sleep in. You deserve it after such a long week at work.”

“I’ll do the dishes tonight. Just relax.”

Was that all just a dream? It seems so impossible to imagine now.

Now it is more like this:

The Race to Sleep In – 7:00 am. Jude (3) wakes up (asleep with me in the bed, AGAIN). He proceeds to hit Ruby (1) until she wakes up. Jamie is still asleep in the other room on the futon. The kids and I get up.

I tell Jude that Dadda is on the futon. I tiptoe in and place Ruby on the floor near him and race back to the bedroom as Jude is climbing on Jamie’s back and saying, “Dadda, wake up!! It’s morning time!! The sun is up!!”

Yes! Score for Momma.

This is not just me, mind you:

The Race to Sleep In Scenario #2 – 7:00 am. Jude wakes up. He crawls out of the bed to the living room. I drag myself to the bathroom, in hopes of making it back to the bed, since Ruby is still sleeping peacefully. Jamie is, again, on the futon, so I figure Jude will wake him up and I won’t be needed.

I come back to my room, though, to find an extra lump under the blanket, a big hairy head poking out at the top, on MY pillow.

Jamie ran in while I was in the bathroom and is already pretending to snore! And Jude is out there yelling for me. “Momma, what can I eat?!?”

Damn! Score for Dadda.

So, this is what kids have done to us. Sucked the nice out of us. We are both so desperate for sleep and for time away from the kids, that we’ll sacrifice each other to do it if we need to. And sometimes it’s necessary.

I even went so far as to do this to poor Jamie one night:

Jamie came home from work. Unsuspecting, innocent, Jamie. To find me surprisingly dressed up and seemingly ready to go out for a night on the town. Purse literally on my shoulder. I handed him the baby and left. I really did. I HAD to go out. And that was that.

Screw being nice. We’re in survival mode. Maybe we’ll be nice again when the kids are out of the house.