Mommy/Sammy/Robby Time
Today I had the rare opportunity to go out with Sam, just the two of us. It was our little date, our special “Mommy/Sammy Special Time.” On the way to the playground where we’d be meeting up with a new friend and neighbor, I was telling him about how we used to spend all of our days together, just the two of us, before Robby was born.
I had almost forgotten that. This past year has been such a haze, a blur. We’ve been just sort of getting through each day as best we could. Sam told me he liked it when Robby was in my belly. Of course, this made me very sad, sad for him that he will probably always miss that time we had together before things changed, whether he really remember that that was how it once was or not. Then we talked about how we really liked having Robby around too.
And then it occurred to me - that time I spent with Sam when it was just the two of us - Robby has never had that, ever. Sure, we’ve spent hours upon hours together sleeping, nursing, me holding him while Sam was with Hubby or someone else. But Robby and I have never even been out together, at least not that I can think of. He has never known what it would be like to spend a day with me with my undivided attention. And while I feel so sorry to Sam for his loss of that, I realize that Robby is really the one who has missed out in a way.
Sam will start pre-school in just a few weeks. He’ll be gone for several hours in the morning, four days a week. Robby and I will be able to spend each morning together, “Mommy/Robby Time.” And I have to say, knowing full well it will be very hard for me when Sam is actually starting school, that right now I’m really excited about it. Robby and I will get to take a class together maybe, and we’ll go to the park and meet up with friends; and it will all feel so easy with just one. I’m gonna go out to breakfast and drink coffee, and he’ll eat pancakes and look at his baby friends! And I’m excited for Sam too. I loved school as a child, and I know he’s going to as well. I’m really happy for him.
I like how the Fall is shaping up. I’ll have time with my baby in the morning. We’ll come home after getting Sam from school, and while Robby naps I’ll have time with Sam, and then the afternoon will be for all of us. It has structure; there is change within the day. I like it. There is an end in sight to this strange, hot summer mush.
And this is not to say that I really feel that bad for either child for losing out on Mommy time. I know they get so much from having each other, and now that Robby is getting older they are really starting to play. Just today Robby was leaning in to kiss Sam over and over again, grabbing his head on each side and pulling him in close to his wide open mouth. And Sam was letting him do it, and even kissing him back. And it was even sweeter to watch than when he kisses me.
Gosh, you wrote exactly what is on my mind. My boys are 11 months apart, and while I feel so guilty for my first born, I really feel even more so for my second.
I think about this kind of stuff often with how close my kids are in age. I can see differences in their personalities, and I know that there are so many truths to the studies on birth order. I often think of how my kids would be different if I had spaced them differently, but I pretty much love how everything turned out.
Jen
Oh yeah! It IS good when school starts… it gives a movement and texture to the days, and you do get that one on one time with the younger sibs. Plus after going through the backpack, you know approx what the older kid did (you know what questions to ask, and they have a visual reminder of what they did), and have cool conversations with them about their day away from you.
No matter how fun it is to have the kiddos all to yourself all day, it is undeniably cooler to see them all grow and develop!
Have a great time!
I know what you mean - my two oldest are 3-1/2 years apart, so we had a lot of time with my oldest but when the 2nd came, he didn’t get time alone until my oldest went to school. It’s a lot harder for me still with the two oldest feeling guilty, then it is now having three kids. For some reason, it’s easier to balance things with the three boys.
I hope you really enjoy your time!
I have the same ‘issue’ with Maddux. When Eli was in preschool last spring, Maddux would nap almost the whole time he was there (only 3 hours), so we didnt’ get any ’special time’ together either. I’m looking forward to his school starting up again so I can enroll M in a gym class. All of those fun things Eli and I did together before she came along do not happen for her. These poor, poor second children
I, too, don’t think I’ve spent much time alone with baby #2. Maybe the hubs and I need to do a “divide and conquer” routine on the weekends for at least 1 morning!
It’s always nice to have alone time with each kid. I’m excited for Corinne, that she and I get alone time every day this year! She’s gonna be a rotten lil mess come next spring…
As much as I liked the summer and no schedule and sleeping late, I was always ready for fall and school starting back. Somehow the structure felt more comfortable for me.
It’s funny how being a mom the first time is so hard. You don’t know what you are doing and there are so many challenges. But now that I have the second baby it seems like those days of having one baby were so easy. I have one day a week now with my baby where the older one goes to day home and I love those days.
Jenn
spending one-on-one time with the kids is soooo special. husband and i used to split up and each take one out on a ‘date’ to the park or library or wherever. only now we have three… hummmmm….
we still need to do it though. cause its important for them. my siblings and i all remember how my dad used to take us out for breakfast - one at a time, so each of us four kids got some special attention. it was great.
I’m looking forward to Miss A going to preschool as well. Even though it’s only two days a week. It will be nice.
I think this new routine will be a great break/balance for you.
I’m truly of the opinion that there’s really nothing to feel guilty about, ever, in giving our child a sibling. Now that my kids are older, I can see that they’ve added far more to each other’s lives than they’ve ever taken away.