Brown Leaves
On our walk today we discovered that tons of leaves had already begun to brown and fall. We collected several, as well as some acorns, to bring back home. From my limited knowledge of the Waldorf philosophy, I remember the concept of creating a “Nature Table,” a collection of natural materials brought in from the outdoors that changes to reflect the season as the year goes on. This topic is also covered in Amanda Blake Soule’s lovely book, The Creative Family. The Nature Table is a way of bringing the outside into our living space to be appreciated in our home. We’re setting up our first one this year, and I can’t believe that here in the midst of August we are already collecting for the Fall.
As we walked, Sam asked why the leaves fall (this was after I explained to him why Fall was called “fall”), and I talked about what happens to the trees and plants with each season. He thought that after they fell they would turn green again and go back up into the trees. I explained that instead they would break up and go back into the ground, and eventually the trees’ roots would take food from the ground and grow new, green leaves in the spring. And he said, “So the brown leaves have died?”
He’s been noticing cemeteries every time we pass them in the car lately. He asks why all the “statues” are there. And yesterday as we passed yet another one, I tried to explain to him, as simply as I could, about how eventually people die. And when they do, many of them are buried in the earth, and the statues tell us their birthday and their name so that we can always remember them.
He asked me if I was going to die today. Then he told me he didn’t want to die - I don’t even know how he knows what the word means. It might be from when our cat was so sick; I had started to prepare him for that possibility, I guess. And I know there is a movie he loves and has watched many times that makes mention of the possibility of someone dying, My Neighbor Totoro.
I feel like if my children ask me questions, even if they are difficult, I owe them an honest answer. If they are curious about something, it means they are already going to be thinking about it, and no matter how hard some of the topics may be it is up to me to guide them and help them to understand. I hope I haven’t done the wrong thing here, because Sam probably didn’t know what he was really asking about when he was looking at cemeteries and wondering what they were . . . or maybe he did.
i Love that book!!! I can’t believe your leaves are changing… I wanted autumn to come so badly but when it all of a sudden began cooling I found myself a bit sad.
Maja’s been asking about death and dying a lot lately too. It’s hard to explain the concept to a 3 y.o. The best analogy I could come up with was explaining that dying was like having your personal battery not work anymore. Lame, but the best I could do in a pinch.
It’s been my experience with my kids that the earlier they learn about the cycles of life and our connection to it, the better. When Justin was SAm’s age, he just wanted to know if God knew how to play Candyland. He answered his own question with “Well, if he doesn’t, I can TEACH God!”
I think you did the right thing.
My parents felt the same way about hard questions as you seem to. They answered with age-appropriate answers. This philosophy served them — and me — well.
Yikes! Tough one. I believe in telling the truth too. It is hard sometimes. Sam is a deep thinker. I imagine you are going to have a lot of these conversations.
I think you absolutely did the right thing. I always want my children to know that they can come to me to get honest answers to the tough questions. As a mother it’s up to me to know how to answer thtose question according to how much info they are big enough to carry; to give them truth in small doses as they ask for it.
You sound like your are a terrific mom!
I have to agree that you do owe them an honest answer, it seems only fair. To give them some pretend answer seems so wrong and hurtful in the long run. Because once you give them an answer they don’t really ask again and go with the knowledge you gave them…and can eventually be teased about such things.
I guess for us this kind of question is not a toughie… it’s just part of the plan. For Birdie it really started clicking at age five when she realized that “dead” really does mean “gone” for all intents and purposes, for the rest of mortality (which is really all of us can comprehend anyway). She got really sad for a while, and then again when one of her girlfriends lost her mama to cancer earlier this year. You have to give them the straight dope in chunks that they can understand… but you also have to honor the humanity of these kids, and grief is part of being human. Good for you.
We haven’t had any questions about cemeteries, but we did have a lot of tough questions when we had to put our cat to sleep last winter. He still brings it up sometimes, and I just repeat what I said before.
You did the right thing. He may not remember it now, but it’s important that our kids trust us to always be honest with. Mine are older and we’re getting tough questions, but I feel like they know I’ve always been truthful so they can trust me to be honest now. You can always give an honest but age appropriate answer.
Good job mom!
It’s hard telling them in ways they’ll understand that don’t upset them.
By the way, Totoro is one of my very very favorite movies.