I’ve been proud of my boys before, many, many times of course. I’m proud of them when they reach all the milestones everyone loves - the rolling, the walking, the talking. I was even proud when Sam cut his first tooth, not that he had actually done anything. But my baby was growing and had accomplished the task of producing a tooth pitched forth from his gums. I’m proud of both my boys quite often.

But I tell you what: there’s nothing quite like going to pick up your first child on his first day of pre-school, after he was already so wonderful at drop off - sharing with the other kids, introducing himself to his teachers, responding with, “I will. You too!” when you tell him to have fun while you’re gone - and when you look through the glass door as all the classes come out from their rooms for pick-up, see that he is the line leader, carefully leading his class to the front of the school with a big smile on his face and his nametage necklace with the glued on buttons dangling down.

It’s a very different kind of pride. It has a whole new shade to it. He was successful and happy all on his own; he didn’t even know I was there yet. And isn’t that what we are doing? Raising our children to be in the world and to be happy and independent . . . without us, ultimately. And in a way it seems as though we don’t really know how we’re doing until we actually get to see them out there living it, on their own.

I remember once last year when I was picking Sam up from his old pre-school in our old neighborhood (the one where he went for 4 hours a week and the program was called “morning playgroup” instead of pre-school), I arrived and walked up while he was out on the playground. He didn’t see me there yet, and he was running with several other children. The boy next to him fell down while the group was running. I saw Sam stop and lean down to help the boy up, asking, “Are you ok?” while the other kids kept going. And then the two of them starting running together again. I think it was one of the proudest moments of my life.

That kind, compassionate human being is my child.