The Sounds of the Day
I sat in the office of a psychologist last year, and listened to her make suggestions to me about how I might get through my days a bit easier, a bit happier. I was there just to rule out the possibility of postpartum depression. And after I spoke for a while about the things I found to be the most challenging each day she commented that I seemed quite affected by noise.
I’d never really thought about that. But she explained how she’d come to that conclusion. Sure enough, when I heard my words repeated back to me there was great emphasis on hearing the baby crying, hearing Sam yelling or screaming, listening to the children making constant demands. Even now, if I am describing a bad day to Hubby, I typically start by saying something like, “The kids have been screaming at me for hours!” and that is how I define a really bad day.
I always want people to turn down the TV. I constantly ask my husband to lower his voice when speaking to me. I typically am the one to turn the music down. I have a physical reaction to the noise. (Amazing that I married The World’s Loudest Phone Conversationalist, rivaled only by his father. And that reminds me, I always turn down the volume on my phone when I talk to Hubby.)
The doctor’s main suggestion to this issue was music. She said that if I was in a situation where the kids were having meltdowns and I felt I just couldn’t hear it anymore, then I should put on some earphones and listen to music for a while until I was settled.
I haven’t done exactly that. I have trouble envisioning being able to sit in a room with screaming kids and trying to ignore it in that way. I mean, how loudly would I have to pump up the music in order to drown out that noise, right?
But what I have discovered, or recognized at least, is that sound can improve my mood just as easily as it can take it down. While I don’t try and drown out the kids with earphones, I have made a daily exercise of listening to music with them each morning during and after breakfast. It sets a happier tone for the day, and when I’ve selected something particularly good, it may even end in a little a.m. dance party.
I’ve always been jealous of Hubby for having his daily drive to work. If I had 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening to drive myself to a train station, I told him, I’d be much happier. And of course he said that commuting is not actually fun, which I understand.
But it is time to one’s self. And most importantly, you can listen to music while you drive. On the rare occasions that I get out to run an errand on my own I am always astonished at how very happy I am to just drive for a few minutes playing music I love as loudly as I want (it’s ok for it to be loud if I love it!).
I drove to Target the other day on my own, listening to a new CD that I love. When I got to the parking lot my favorite song was on, so I sat in the back corner of the lot and blasted it, singing along before turning off the car. And I was so happy. It was so easy. It was so simple and yet so effective.
I encourage you all to try it too. Get out on your own some time this week. I know that’s much more difficult than it sounds. But seriously, someone can watch the kids while you run to the drugstore for ten minutes, even if it has to happen after The Hubs comes home from work. You must take with you a favorite CD and crank it. If you arrive in the midst of a favorite, you are forbidden to turn off your car mid-song. You must sing. You must rock out.
And if that’s not a possibility for you today (and it’s not for me), maybe try starting the morning off with some music in the background, speaking of which, it’s a little too quiet in here . . .
reason number 46 that I think we were separated at birth!
I have HUGE issues with noise. Every thing seems like it is screaming at me. And although it sounds strange (but maybe it won’t to you) bright lights and some colors seem to be hollering at me too. And itchy clothes, they are the loudest thing in the world.
There is a lot of new research coming out now about sensory sensitivities. Some studies want to tack it on to the autism spectrum, but I don’t know if it really belongs there.
I am not a classical music aficionado at all, but I do like to put the Light Classical channel on the Comcast On Demand music section on as background music. I find that it drowns out most of the noise coming out of my child’s head and I don’t feel pressured to learn the words or sing along or find a deeper meaning.
So, when’s that drink we have penciled in?…
I know lots of quiet places!
i’m the same way!
this would be why i would give up my laptop, even my cell phone, but i could NOT give up my ipod!!!
when my husband comes home and i have my ipod earphones in, he knows its been a rough day!!!
Hi there, found you through the purse post and ended up here. Love your blog and have been lurking ever since.
You really shed some light for me too here. I find that when my head is most about to explode is in the evenings when I’ve had it up to here with noise and whining and phones ringing and oven timers going off and husband wanting to tell me about his day. I’ll have to think about ways to combat the noise or at least come to terms with it.
Thanks for sharing this.
Maybe you take after Nana. I could never take piano lessons when I was young because she could not stand the noise. Or maybe I yelled at you to much when you were little.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE running errands by myself. The other night, I went to try to get a video game from the movie store, but they didn’t have it. So, I literally drove around for like 20 minutes trying to find another store. I never did find one (still too new in town to know where any are, I guess), but it was SO nice to have that time.
I can really relate to what you said about noise. It does really affect my mood. I think that I will take your advice and listen to music more often. Thanks!
OK.. I cannot wear them during the day, frankly I NEED to hear what the girls are up to or they would take apart the house around me, but I use my sound cancellation earphones with Enya on my iPod at night so I can sleep when it’s Dadguy’s turn to take a shift with the baby.
In the evening when I have absolutely HAD it, I get everyone into the kitchen so they can draw and color at the table while I cook dinner and play my iPod on some speakers I keep there just for that purpose. They draw and I cook, but the music takes me somewhere else. And they learn to love Rock.
And errands? T
he music in the empty car? DIVINE.
I, as well ,have some anxiety when it comes to negative noise. but as I read this post, I was listening to Van and he always brightens up my day and calms my nerves. My bub made a special playlist for me and when my little man was an infant I would just hold him and dance around all morning or night whenever he was fussy. It helped me tremendously!
Music is definitely a cure!
When the kids start to get a little out of control, I can easily rein them back in by cranking up the music. They love to dance around for hours! And it is definitely a mood lifter. Letting loose and dancing silly.
What’s even better, is that they are exhausted after that which almost always turns into a nice nap
That is a great idea. Thank you for sharing your troubles with us as well as something that helps.
music certainly has that affect on my too! I love it… Thanks for recommending the Killers new album. I liked about half of their last album. The half I liked, I loved though…
I’m glad you found something you can use to soothe and center you.
We listen to music a lot around here. I like to have it on in the background as we go about our usual activities. It seems like my kids respond to it too. Things get toned down, a little calmer, and we are a little nicer to each other. My kids get caught up in their coloring and playing.
Of course it does not always work. And I love to rock out in the car when I’m alone.
I am also very sensitive to noise. My Mom says i have always been that way, even as a child.
Years ago I decided to get up very early, way before my children…just to listen to the quiet.
I have good news and bad news for you…
The bad news first: I always thought my kids would be more quiet the older they got. They didn’t.
The good news: Now I can kick them outside. Or I can shut myself in a room for as long as I need.
So there is hope for a quieter day!
See, people who have to drive every day don’t realize what a treasure that time alone is. I’m not saying I want an hour drive 2 ways every day like my husband, but the fact that I am NEVER alone with just my thoughts is something HE could never handle, either. To just BE and not DO is a privilege.
I always have on the light classical or jazz channel for music (very low).
I can hear Lori Berkner in the back of the house right now playing on the computer as my son takes his bath (under dad’s supervision)…
But I’m with you - I don’t like loud noise and my son doesn’t either…
It probably has some physical condition to back it up- meaning:
you may have ultra-sensitive hearing… or a part of your eardrum really reacts to a certain level of noise or pitch…
I know they can test babies now for such-a-thing.
And then they could tell you- stay away from these types of noises, etc.
Try to sooth yourself with this kind of music, etc.
My kids are older and in school all day, so my errands are pretty much always run alone. There is nothing I like better than driving by myself with my music as loud as I want. As a matter of fact, I just had to have my front set of speakers replaced today because I blew them out!
Music is very important in our house. My girls have been brought up on classic rock, not kiddy music. Their iPods are filled with Beatles, Wings, Pretenders, and tons of stuff from the 60s and 70s. My daughter Lauren has been in band since 4th grade (she’s in 8th now), and plays several instruments. Music is as important to me as breathing.
I’m glad music is helping to make your days brighter. I firmly believe music (whatever kind you like) is important to one’s soul.
I agree. As usual. This is me too. Sometimes it’s so loud at work too… that by the time I get home I’ve just had enough noise.
And I think you know how much I love music. And I sing. I rock. So far, I’m thinking it’s in Miss A’s blood too.
I don’t have huge issues with nosie, but I do have huge issues with 1) hearing my babies cry; 2) hearing my kids fight. Both stress/ed me out like nothing else I’ve experienced. I agree music you like lifts the mood.
I find this too….I am crankiest when I have 3 people trying to have conversations with me and I’d rather be listening to the really interesting news story on the radio. I’ve learned to ask my family to speak one at a time, and now I put their needs before listening to the radio. My favourite station podcasts interesting interviews, anyway.
That’s great. Music can be so relaxing and joyful. When I remember to put on the music, I am so blessed by it. I am not good at picking it out to start with so when I do get a good CD I listen to it over and over until it wears out.
Have a good evening!!
I’m the same way with noise. My hubs and I constantly argue about the volume of the t.v., the radio, whatever. I do the opposite when the kids are noisy — I HAVE to turn all extraneous sounds off or I just get completely overwhelmed. I can’t run the breadmachine and be downstairs at the same time; I can’t run the washing machine or dryer (they’re in my kitchen) while I’m cooking… the list goes on.
Glad I’m not the only one with these “problems”.