The Uterus Takes On The Brain
It started about a month ago, when I was convinced I was pregnant. And let me ruin this story now for friends and family and say that I am not pregnant, and I was not pregnant, so don’t go squealing and jumping or anything.
But for about two hours there I thoroughly believed otherwise. And I almost succeeded in convincing Hubby as well. It would have been quite a surprise, but it was one of those times when two lines showing up would have made so much sense in the context of a weird week - crazy moods, odd cravings, strange physical annoyances, etc. Not to mention (and here’s way TMI for some of you) that I was about 6 days late. Yeah, I was certain.
Certain enough to send the Hubs out for some late night tests. Convinced enough that I allowed myself to believe it briefly, while I waited for him to get back. And I was excited.
I was petrified, definitely, but also kind of giddy. I stood there and tried not to watch the little stick to see if a second line would show up. When it didn’t, I felt sharp disappointment. Relief, yes, but I think sadness may have outweighed it. It’s hard, so hard to say when you’re staring at that stick.
So now I’m just confused. My brain is saying, “Are you crazy? You’re barely holding it together with two children! If there is an edge, you are teetering right there, woman. RIGHT. THERE. If you do this you will be a screaming, nagging harpy of rage who is constantly overwhelmed and exhausted and never has enough to give. Let it go!”
But my uterus, it is saying, “Babies.”
All right, in truth it’s saying, “Babies. GIRL babies.”
And then my brain is saying, “Hahahahahahaha! You think you’re going to have a girl?! That’s hysterical! You’re husband is one of FIVE BROTHERS. There’s no way you’re gonna have a girl, you ridiculous Ute. I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard!”
Then my uterus just responds quietly with, “Babies…”
Oh, I’ve so been there with the giddy, excited, fearful certainty … and then not. Having another is a tough, tough call, and those uteruses of ours don’t make it easy, do they?
Lol, I recently had one of those moments myself. Scared the crap out of my husband. We also have two boys. I love my boys dearly, but every now and then my uterus says, “babies, girl babies.” But then I ask myself what would I do with 3 boys?!?!
I tried to explain this phenomenon to my in-laws recently with little success. My brain KNOWS I would go insane with more kids, our house isn’t big enough, we don’t have enough money, but my BODY wants to do its main duty of birthing babies. And I wonder if it will be like this until menopause.
Steph
I know exactly how you feel. It is so difficult. My last pregnancy wasn’t easy. However, it is hard to accept that I am done having babies. I wonder if I will always feel this way.
I don’t know anything about this uterus business, my uh… man-parts just don’t talk to me about that kind of stuff…but I gotta say 3 boys was not such an uncomfortable thought for me, and then as long as we have old TV show names to make it feel familiar like My Three Sons and Threes Company…
But now we have a little girl and after only three months I’m reminded again about edges. There are some that I won’t willingly jump from, but I’ll never regret being pushed.
But those babies grow up. And they’re loud, especially the girls, it seems. My boys were a piece of cake next to her.
Oh, I know that damn uterus song. It may not have to be sung right away. Just keep the options open and see where you are in a few months or so.
Also, I can’t imagine the day where I wouldn’t be happy to be surprised…
oh man. my body has been in the same battle. i was just in seattle visiting a friend who is pregnant. i went for her baby shower. my sister-in-law, also pregnant. o the bellies! watching new moms nurse at the park. it’s hard not to feel wistful.
but my brain remembers the hard stuff. and it won’t be easily stifiled. nor will my husband. just last night he said, “how about if i elbow you every 2 hours in the night and tell you to get up and go run laps round the house for 15 minutes?”
he knows the sleeplessness is my parenting achilles heal. fo’ sho’. it is. i feel pretty certain i could not be a really great mother to 3 kids. doesn’t stop the uterus from aching, though.
and for what it’s worth….my husbands family makes “only boys,” too. and then i had a daughter. first girl in 3 generations. so, it could happen! i was really really surprised.
okay, all I have to say is this…
out of the last 11 babies born in my husband’s family, only 2 were girls. Husband’s one of three boys and his brother just had his third boy. I “knew” I would have all boys. Out came LL and then as we stared, silent and in awe at this little one’s (in my belly) ultrasound as the doctor pointed out all her very girlie parts (p.s. I made him as I just could not believe we were having a girl). Don’t get me wrong. Boys rock — you know. But you may want to listen to that uterus
The girls are bound to come into families at some point!
Ahh I could have wrote a very similar post…. I am so on the fence about having more kids. And a big part of it is having a girl. If someone could guarantee my next baby would be a girl, I would jump on that band wagon. But with no guarantees, I’m just not sure…..
Jenn
That is too funny. I had the same thing going on a month ago. For no real reason I kept wandering over to the pregnancy test aisle and thinking, “Hmmm…” The last time I felt that way was when I had my two-year-old daughter, a two-year-old foster son and a newborn foster daughter. Insane, right? Trouble-making girlie hormones…