The suspense is killing me.
I’m counting down the days until I will be on my own with two kids. I’ve had the amazing benefit of having my husband here followed by my mom since I am technically still not supposed to lift Sam (yeah right!) because of the C-section. So I still don’t know how I will handle this mother of two thing. Right now the suspense is killing me. For every meal, every tantrum, every failed nap I think, “How will I do this when it’s just me? How will we eat? How will we rest? How will I get Sam out and socializing and not let him go crazy with boredom? How?” And I know it all works out and we will just have to get in the groove, but I won’t know how it will all work out until I actually see it happen.
I’d like to know that no one will feel neglected (including me and my husband) but I’m not just not sure I will ever feel like I’m not neglecting someone at some point ever again. So far what I’ve learned about parenting two is that if, at the end of the day, I feel good about my interactions and time spent with one child then my immediate following thought is that I didn’t spend enough time with the other. I’m thinking I may feel that way every day for the rest of my life, or at least until they move out.
On a happy note - I have pictures:
And look what we found by the side of the road! Sometimes an activity will find you.
It’s tough, I’ll admit. You’ll have lots of moments where one child will have to wait. I’ve found, to make it easier on the older one, that I occasionally make the baby wait, too. I even say, “Mira, you’ll have to wait, I’m helping Cordy right now.” Sure, the baby can’t understand, but Cordy hears that and knows her needs are important, too.
If they’ve both had at least some of your time, and you end the day still having two children, consider it a success.
I’ve found I don’t have time for the guilt over which is getting more attention.
You’re right. It WILL Work out, but it will take time. I think that the transition from 1 to 2 kids is actually harder than going to just ONE child, because you have expectations of what it means to parent and the second baby didn’t read the first baby’s manual. You’ll do fine. Hang in there…
Have fun! And remember “deep breaths” for everyone. It helps! But having two or more is such a blessing when they start playing and entertaining each other. Love the pics!
Steph
I did what Christina suggested, sometimes telling the baby to wait so my older children can hear me, and know that I am doing it. I swear, they would visibly relax just a tiny bit. It also helps them to understand that the baby is really a person, and will be held to the same “we are Chaos family people and we don’t/shall/never do that” standard (more or less). The older kids feel a tiny bit more charitable toward the infant; after all, they are in the same boat now.
I’m talking about a minute or two of crying, that’s all it takes to get the point across, and the baby is not harmed or abandoned by it.
So cute and sweet! My sister just called me because she’s thinking she’s finally in labor with her first one. It brings back so many memories!
CONGRATS!! I just saw just he’s here. He’s lovely!
As for what you’re going to do…you’ll handle it. You just will. There will be hard moments and hard hours and hard days, but as time passaes they will get fewer and farther between. In the meantime, you’ll find a routine and a strategy of doing things that work for you.
Congrats again!
I have the same worries about doing this myself some day. I know you will do just fine. It all falls in to place I know it!
I had the guilt issues as well. It comes with the territory.
You will be fine, don’t worry. It works out.
Adorableness reigns at your home!
My 14 yr-old recently confided that he really doesn’t remember anything before the age of 7. ???!!!??WHAT??!! Surely, he jests. Does he not see the 10,000 photos of himself from the 1990’s?!
Does that make you feel any better about not sweating the dailiness of things? I think about the stuff that I worried about when the first two were born and it really is amazing that those are not the things they recall. (Of course, I need to pray that BigBro retrieves his memory!)
I think that Christina hit the nail on the head. We too here have told the baby that she would have to wait just to ensure that our son realizes that he is important as well. We also tried to make things a game for my son when things got a little hectic with both of them wanting attention at the same time. But you are right Beth - it is tough sometimes but you will get through it because you are a fabulous mother.
you will figure it out. I didn’t want to go out at all those first few months but now it’s like second nature. I don’t even remember going out with one anymore! Just like everything else it takes time…. and the whole neglecting thing….yup that doesn’t change, I still feel that way!
Somehow, it does all fall into place. It took me a while to get into the swing of things, and at times I thought I was going to pull all my hair out. But, eventually something will happen, like when Sam goes to read a book to Robby, you’ll realize that no one is being neglected. Instead, everyone is benefiting from each other’s companionship.
Love the pictures, thanks for sharing. Beautiful, beautiful kids!
As a mother of three. .. it does work it self out. It takes some time to get used to caring for another body. But you will get the routine down.